Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2004
Confused
2
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 12:08am
Need advice. I have been dating this guy seriously for about 2 years now. We have broken up 4 times over stupid things and never for longer than a few days. Either he would get jealous or he would think I wasn't paying enough attention or something like that. Each time, I would get upset but I could handle it. I could have walked away and been fine. The last time, it hurt alot but we worked out. Since then, I dont trust him to stick around.

Anyway, things were good for a while. Then his mother was diagnosed with cancer and the doctors said she wouldn't make it past 2 years. Since then, I see him drinking alot more. And getting depressed. Our relationship has fallen apart. We fight all the time, mostly because he will not call me or not make time for me. But he makes time for his friends. I am feeling neglected and I would leave (I think) if I didn't think that he was just acting out because of everything going on with his mother. I see him flip out on his friends and act irrational sometimes, other times he seems like he is the happiest guy in the world, but only socially. It seems like he is pushing me away. When I talk to him, he says he is not and that he wants to stay together but he is not convincing and his actions suggest otherwise. I love him and want to be with him, but this hurts alot. I know he is going through alot. And I want to help him in any way I can but I dont know what to do, and I feel like I am losing my self and him in the mean time.

Am I being selfish and unsupportive? or naive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
In reply to: imcrazy2004
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 8:26am

This Is a traumatic, heart wrenching experience that will forever change your BF. He feels alone right now, as if he is the only one is the world right now losing their mother. Its natural. Unfortunately, he is using alcohol as a crutch through the ordeal. I don't think he means to push you away, but none the less, that's what he is doing. The only thing you can do is stick by him and support this. By all means though, don't be anyones doormat. He still owes you respect. So, if you feel like you aren't getting what you deserve, then maybe you should only be giving that support as a friend right now. That's for you to decide. I would encourage him to talk to someone about this, and let him know that you care and when he is ready to talk, you'll be there.


Remember, everyone deal with grief in their own personal way. Here is a link to a message board here on iviallge that is specially for friends and family of the terminally ill, I think it might help you, please try it and encourage your BF to also, this isn't just for woman.


Best wishes,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
In reply to: imcrazy2004
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 8:32am

whoops! Sorry! Here is that link....


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhfamilyfrie