Avatar for aerandel
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 10:28am
Hello everyone. I have been with my bf for 4 years and we have both done a lot of changing and growing in that time. Sometimes now I look at him and I feel like I don't like who he has become, he's angry and he hates people (just about everyone but me for some reason or another), he has gained a lot of weight (which doesn't bother me) but I have also gained weight and have tried to lose it and have tried to get him interested in dieting and excercising with me so he can be healthier but he won't do it. I feel like when we used to go out with friends he would pay more attention to me, lately I feel kind of ignored when we go out in public. Overall I guess I just feel like I want more romantic attention from him and I wish he would not be so angry.

We have days where I am sure I love him to death and want to marry him (which is what we always planned in a few more years) and I have other days where I'm unsure because he has changed so much and I'm not sure I like it. Yesterday for example we kept fighting over nothing, when I said something about it he said he was just crabby. Sometimes I know I love him and other times I don't know if this is what I want forever. For the first 3 years I never questioned my love for him but we have both changed a lot and now sometimes I'm unsure. I don't want to break up with him but I have considered taking a short break from him (not dating other people or anything but just not seeing him for a few days) to try to see how I feel, but then I know my bf and if I told him I wanted to take a break from him it would break his heart and he would take it as "a nice way of breaking up with him" and I would lose him forever. I left him once before after we had only been together a month (for another guy) and it was the worst choice I have ever made. He still suffers from insecurity issues also from that breakup. I don't want to lose him I just don't know what to do...I feel so unsure. Help!



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
In reply to: aerandel
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 2:26pm
Do you know why he is so angry? Does HE know why he's so angry? Maybe he's got a problem with depression. Perhaps if he went to his doctor there's something they could give him that could help. A close friend of mine had clinical depression, and was put on Prozac, and he's like a different person. He could TRY counseling, but I'm not a big fan of it. I don't think it's all that helpful. Some will tell you medication alone won't do the trick, but that's not always true. In cases where it's truly a chemical imbalance that is causing the problem, counseling is not necessary. I used to take Prozac as well, for clinical depression, and went to see a psychologist. She saw me twice and told me that I didn't need counseling. I continued with the med and am fine. Anyway, maybe that would help.

As far as feeling ignored, that could just be the natural progression of your relationship. You've been together 4 years. The "newness" has worn off. Like most guys, he probably feels that he has already "won" you and doesn't need to woo you anymore. If it is really bothering you, I'd try to talk to him about it.

Good luck!