Confused
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| Wed, 06-18-2008 - 4:11pm |
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 months and really liked each other a year before but staid friends. Everything was great didnt fight awhole lot and when we did it was minor and short. The only thing that seemed to be any kind of problem for us is that we dont have a huge amount in common, but so what, right? Last week he told me he doesnt know why but cant/doesnt want to be in a relationship any more, he said I didnt do anything wrong it was just him but didnt know what. He still really loves me and wanted to stay close friends. I aksed if it was him wanting to be with other people, he said no and i 100% believe that and what he is saying. Breaking up was hard on us both and I wanted to know if maybe we could go back to the start. Well after 3 days we had a little arugment..more confused/frustrated of how staying friends was going to work. Well I told him that we wont be friends any more its was just to hard but he

Welcome to the board dallas_08,
::The only thing that seemed to be any kind of problem for us is that we dont have a huge amount in common, but so what, right?
No, not so what.
"staying friends" universally does not work after a breakup.
"What I am thinking is just give it time and if he really wants to be with me still then he will come back on his own."
That's a fine way to deal with it, but you should not be in contact with him while you're giving it time. And when you're giving it time, try to get over it. A man who suddenly "doesn't know" in six months of dating you is not likely to come back to you. He may have feelings for you, but he probably doesn't see this going anywhere serious.
You have to have things in common to be able to relate to one another in a relationship. It's not all about raw feelings.
This is my first time doing something like this I am unsure what to go on about and what I shouldnt. So here goes a little more...
When I say "we don't have a huge amount in common" I don't mean we have very little to nothing, just not major things. We like the same in a lot of different things they are just not are hobbies, example: we like the same kind of movies, music, video games..to some that may seem childish but I love video games and to have him not get mad at me cause I am better at some of them then he is was great for me, the outdoors-hiking-camping, going on road trips and when we want to get married and have kids etc etc. But my hobbies is horses, his cars but I figured that's ok he has one thing he gets to enjoy with his friends or on his own and I have my thing. Iv told him Id love to go to the shop and help him with a car his working on like, hold stuff get him stuff see if my little hand can fit where his big one cant or if he wants to teach me something then Id love to learn, but have never pushed it on him. He told me he felt as if he was holding me back on my love for horses - I think where he got that idea from was when I said to him "I don't want to go to the ranch cause I'll miss you." I told him he wasn't holding me back, Iv been with horses for 19 years and if any one is holding me back its me. I am still going to the ranch for the 2-4 week just I will really miss him when I am gone. He didn't have much to say about that.
I feel me and him are compatible together out side of the bedroom, his place is more like my home then my home is but yes conversation is the downer between us. When me and him go out out for dinner we talk and have conversations the whole time over dinner, but I would like a little more conversation between us when we are hanging out. I asked him about this and he says " I don't try and not talk it is just nothing different has happened so I don't have any stories or any thing different to talk about" I was fine with that reason because I felt the same way. Me and him are more the out door type, we don't like going to the mall to shop or hang out and where we live that is pretty much the only thing to do because 6 months of the year its cold and reining and very unenjoyable out side so we have just been either going out to a movie or renting movies and cuddling up on the couch what does not give us much to talk about. We have a couple times stayed up past midnight telling past stories of dumb things we have done and just more on a emotional level. I was looking forward to the good weather to show up so we could get out and do more.
Yes I agree staying friends does not work, its just way to hard, at least right after, he is a awesome guy to know and have as a friend and I want him in my life, we both said we don't want each other totally out of are life's.
I did ask him if he thought the relationship was getting to serious and he said "yeah a little"
This past week he is the one who has been texting or calling me asking if I want to hang out, I have called him about twice to just talk. Me and him right now have gone back to dating/seeing each other and are like we were last month but maybe better. When I say better I mean like we were in are first month few months of the relationship.
The reason I don't like asking for relationship advice over the internet is because no one knows me or him personally so its all just off what I am saying and I cant type every single thing, I can go on and on and on but I don't think any one would like that LoL
I still have questions to ask him and talk to him to try and help me figure things out (and hopefully him). We are probably hang out today, I will talk to him about us and then I will have zero contact with him for 2-4 weeks. Any good questions or topics I should ask and talk about with him?
I am not trying to argue with anyone and I am really taking the advice to heart, just trying to give you more of an insight the best I can. If you need me to explain more about something or answer a question I am happy to do that.
Thanks :)
I do understand that 'talking' in the written form isn't easy and that we all stop ourselves from going on and on.
Thanks!
Im going to pay more attention to that part of are relationship and if he still doesnt have any thing to talk to me about after 2-4 weeks apart (and hes going for a short road trip with a friend so bound to be some stories there) Then it is not going to work :(
Listen to his words and don't try to guess what he is not telling you. He doesn't want a relationship. For him it would be fine to see you and hug and kiss and whatever. He can handle that and be friends.
You can't. Put your needs first. You will only get hurt if you try to be friends with the hope that he will change his mind
Some guys can love you a lot but also not be ready for a relationship with someone they have deep feelings for. They may need more space, and not have a sense of committment that a loving relationship ultimately brings. I don't know him and what his situation is, but the way you will find out is to stay away (as you will be doing) and let things take their course. If I were you I would not count on this person or relationship, wait for it, hope for it, but just go forward and live your life. Take some time to get in touch with the kind of relationship
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