Confused!!!?!!!?
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Confused!!!?!!!?
| Wed, 06-20-2007 - 3:35am |
I have been with this woman for almost 3 years. She doesn't trust me cause I have lied in the past. There has been no cheating. Anyways, we lived together for about a year and a half until about 3 months ago. I moved out but we continue to see each other all the time. I stay over at least 3 nights a week. Our sex is great. She is a guy magnet!!! She says I am Mr. Right as long as I can be honest. I am honest with her. 2 weeks ago she joined a dating site and I found out. She said it was a joke between her and a friend. I was a little insecure and probed her about it but realized my insecurities were doing more harm. In short, she tells me she is not looking for a relationship or anybody else. I found her password to the site and she has been talking to a few guys. She is supposed to fly out of town to visit one of these guys this saturday and she has a date with another tomorrow nite. I found this out a couple of days ago. I have acted like nothin was wrong. I do know she still plans on going on the date tomorrow nite but not sure if she is going this weekend. I know there are lots of holes in this story but tryin to keep it short. I'm confused cause what she hated about me and the way I acted in the past (sneaky and lies) is exactly what she is doing now. She doesn't know that I know all this. I love this woman dearly and I know she knows that. She just doesn't trust me. Just want a womans point of view. If she wants to date others, why doesn't she tell me? Is she just waiting for me to prove to her that I can be honest? I asked her to dinner wed. knowin she already had plans. She just blew me off. I know I snooped and that is probably wrong. If I hadn't, I would be totally in the dark. I just want to understand so I can take the steps I need to. I don't want to loose her. Feel free to ask questions. Thanks

Boogerred, I'm curious as to how stable your relationship is. And in how much effort your girlfriend is making when trying to trust you again.
With these thoughts in mind, I've got two questions for you
1. How long ago did you lie?
2. Why did you move out 3 months ago?
It's just the way you write, I get the feeling you lied a long time ago. And if she's not gotten over it by now, she ain't never gonna get over it. You see, overcoming a lie takes two people. It needs the person who lied to admit their error, lead a transparent life and change their ways. But equally, the other partner needs to forgive and look towards trusting again. If she can't leave the lie behind, you're beating a dead horse.
Regarding her looking online? I can't make further comments till I know why you moved out. I'm tending to think she doesn't feel for you in the same way you feel for her....but I'd like more info.
You need to be there!! If she is planning a date and than jokes about it, I would be there to watch and see what happens, than you will have your answer.
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sorry dude. she may love and care for you and be torn about your role in her kids life; but she has told you she doesn't trust you. she is telling you she doesn't want to be with you anymore. now she is on a dating site, looking to find someone else.
that is not the actions of a woman that is into you or that thinks there might be a future with you. she has already moved on and so should you.
>>I lied to her a couple of weeks ago. When I found out she was on the dating site, I did a trial and looked at her profile. Told her I had not been on the site when I actually had. I came clean with her. <<
You're NOT the bad guy here. You did what you could to catch HER in a lie. To be honest, the fact that you are accepting being treated as the bad guy throws up some red flags about your own self esteem (or lack there of).
Not only this incident, but there is other stuff too. She's lied to you in the past, but can't cope with a lie of yours. Double standard. She can't cope with you glancing at other women, but relishes in the attention men give her. Double standard.
You need to pick up what's left of your dignity and leave before you accept any more of her double standards. Then go to counselling and figure out why you let yourself be treated in this manner. It's really not healthy.