confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
confused
5
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 9:05pm
I have been in my relationship for about two years now. Things lately have made me really unhappy and I think that our relationship is on its way down. Things were good in the beginning. I have to admit that I have been supporting this man for the whole time we have been together, financially and otherwise. He has not been making money and when we moved in together I told him that I will take care of the bills and he enrolled in school so he can get his degree and do something for his future. He had no credit, I got him credit, I got him the loan to go to school, he has free food, free phone, free electric, free rent etc.. etc.. He sometimes gives me money for the electric. The credit cards he uses but he hardly makes payments. I never say anything because the little money that he makes while in school, he will send to his mom out of the country to support her and to his cancer sick sister. I am always cleaning the house, always doing laundry. Lately he has been a different person. He is very agressive with me, yelling at me, slaming doors when he is angry and threating me that he will hit me. Last time we had an arguement he asked me if I wanted the relationship to end and he was approaching me to hear the answer and acting like he will hit me if I said yes. Yes, I know I am in an abusive relationship. Then he apologizes and makes everything OK> When I have a problem he does not support me. He says that my life is perfect: i have food, i have money i have my family but he has more problems than me: his family is far away, they have no money no food so that is always the excuse - I should be happy all the time and when I cry he tells me he is tired of me and wants to leave. When he was in school, he had no time for me, just the weekends. Now that he is out of school he still does not make time for me. He has something to do every night and when he is here, he is sleeping. Now he has a good job he just started this week so I don't know if he will support the house a little more. When I have a problem and cry he says he gets tired and just today he told me that if he sees me cry again he will leave because he will not support me anymore. We have no sex life. He does not kiss me, hold me. When he does kiss me it is cold and heartless. And when we do have sex, he has to be watching porn every single time. I guess I can't turn him on. I am afraid to say anything because of his agreesiveness. I can't talk to anyone about this. I feel lonely. I need help. He needs help. There are other issues but I will be writing all night.. sorry please help me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: athanasia1
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 12:23am

Athanasia, I'm sorry you're in this position. But you will find plenty of good women to talk to here.

It's great that you already know this is an abusive relationship, but my question to you is: why are you still with him? The answer will help us know what to say :-)

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
In reply to: athanasia1
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 2:42am

Get out of this relationship. Please. You are worth more than this clown will ever be. He is mentally and emotionally abusing you and causing you damage. He sees you as a doormat and meal ticket. Don't cry anymore, keep your chin up and tell him where to stick it. If you paid all the bills and the house is in your name, kick his sorry a$$ out that door and get your confidence back. It will take time, but do this for you. It's your life afterall. We only get one shot at it and I know that I wouldn't want to be miserable for mine. I will say a prayer for you and I hope that you get the courage to do what is right for you.

Li

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
In reply to: athanasia1
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 8:28am

Sounds like it is time to leave this relationship. None of your needs sound like they are getting met. What is he doing when he away from the house for so long since he doesn't work? Take care of yourself. If you need help getting him out of your home contact your local YWCA, they can give your advice. You might have to call the police to get him out of your house.

I hope this helps you. Plus cancel that credit card, you have paid for enough.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
In reply to: athanasia1
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 3:33am
I guess I thought that love is the answer. I thought that he will change.
I thought that if I push hard enough things will be different. I have lost my faith in love and trust for anything.
I try talking to him but everytime I try to express myself I get the silent cold treatment.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to: athanasia1
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 8:51am
Oh Anthanasia!
Please tell me you're getting out of this relationship. It can only get worse from here. You deserve better. You really do.