confused about future with boyfriend
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confused about future with boyfriend
| Mon, 03-01-2004 - 2:20pm |
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years, I am 24, he is 23. We have lived together for about a year now. He was in the military, just got out, now he is working, and starting school. I wanted to know if he thought there was a future for us together, and he says he wants there to be, but doesn't know for sure. We are both not ready for marriage. He is a marriage-phob. I just don't want to waste my time for someone that will never marry me. We have discussed the fact that if one person doesn't think that there will be a future, then the relationship is over. So he tells me that he possibly wants a future with me (marriage) but is not sure, but is definately not a no. More like, lets see how the next couple years go, because he is not thinking about marriage right now.
I got all upset one night, and cried, because I told him I thought that he would never marry me, and he said no, thats not true. But that he couldn't say yes as of now.
But now I found out, that he just starting talking to his ex-girlfriend again, and he told her that he could never marry me.
I don't get it! He tells me maybe, but he tells her no. And everytime I ask him, he says that he loves me, loves our relationship as it is, but can't give me anything more at this time. I don't know what to do. I am fine with him saying that he doesn't want to get married now, but at least there is a possibility for a future, but why is he telling his ex that there is no future for us. We live together, and plan on moving to another part of the city in the summer, we have plans for way in the future. Is he using me, because it is nice to live with me?
Edited 3/1/2004 3:29:47 PM ET by caligirlsam
I got all upset one night, and cried, because I told him I thought that he would never marry me, and he said no, thats not true. But that he couldn't say yes as of now.
But now I found out, that he just starting talking to his ex-girlfriend again, and he told her that he could never marry me.
I don't get it! He tells me maybe, but he tells her no. And everytime I ask him, he says that he loves me, loves our relationship as it is, but can't give me anything more at this time. I don't know what to do. I am fine with him saying that he doesn't want to get married now, but at least there is a possibility for a future, but why is he telling his ex that there is no future for us. We live together, and plan on moving to another part of the city in the summer, we have plans for way in the future. Is he using me, because it is nice to live with me?
Edited 3/1/2004 3:29:47 PM ET by caligirlsam

I did confront him and ask him why he says he doesn't think he could marry me. He says that it is not me, that he is not thinking about marriage at all at this time of his life. Whoever he was with, he would not want to marry them. He can't give me an answer yes or no, on that, he just wants to see how things go. We planned on moving to another apartment together, so I asked him if he saw himself being with me for the next year and a half, and he said yes. so I don't know, he wants to be with me right now, and for a couple years, but he isn't thinking about marriage, can't say that he might marry me. I guess I sucum to the pressures of society, and think that if I don't get engaged by age 25, I will never find someone. I love my boyfriend very much, and want to be with him in the future. I am scared of getting hurt down the road, when 5 years passes, we are still living together, and he still doesn't want to get married. He even said that he doesn't want to hold me back, if I really want to be with someone who wants to settle down. He says he loves me and wants to be with me, but not if I am going to be miserable not knowing the future.
Jennifer
"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi
We thought it would be great to be together all the time, and save money. (dumb reason, yeah I know) But can you go back in a relationship? Can he move into his own apartment, and us still date and be exclusive. I am thinking that living together with no intentions of getting married, may be ruining what might have been a relationship with potential. Athough some aspects of living together I don't regret, because I got to really know him, we know each other so well, and we like being with each other all the time, I think I might want more someday, and he might not. And now there are all the statistics that our marriage would fail anyways, because we lived togther. I don't know.
Why would your boyfriend want to marry you when he has such a choice living situation with you already? What difference is marriage going to make? You already live together, sleep together, and know eachother as though you are a married couple. Now, if you lived seperately and held out, he might realize that marriage is the way to acheive that level with you. I think int's entirely possible to move seperately from eachother now and go from there. Yes, it involves a bit of back peddling but I feel it would be a smart move on your part.
Jennifer
"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi