Confused about the man I love ...
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| Sun, 02-22-2004 - 4:54pm |
I have a bit of a dilemna. Actually it's more of a BIG problem. I have been dating the same man seriously for about 9 months. I've been in 2 long-term serious relationships prior to this one, and even after being with both of the other men for over 2 years each, have never felt this intensely for another human being. Things would be a lot easier if I didn't feel that I have this "cosmic" connection to the man I'm dating. It just feels like no matter how much we argue and hurt each other, it just doesn't matter because what we have is worth more than that. We are together every day by choice. There is nobody I would rather spend my spare time with. He brings a lot to my life, makes me feel safe, passionate, and complete. However, all is not perfect.
My partener and I have always argued about small things. Sometimes bigger things. We are both strong-willed, opinionated people who will ALWAYS think that we are right. 90% of the time, conflicts are resolved playfully and everything seems better than ever. We are also driven by our emotions and tend to not think before saying things. Sometimes I will get very angry with him and say something like, "it's over" or the like, but always explain that I didn't mean it and was being irrational. I know it's not the most productive way to argue, but I can't help it sometimes.
About 3 weeks ago we were not getting along at all, fighting constantly. We were arguing and he told me that he thought we were "losing our connection", that he "didn't feel the same way anymore" and that "he didn't see a happy future". OUCH. I was pretty much just shocked to hell, and of course tried to bargain because in all honesty - I do love him unconditionally. He persisted. So after a while I started to accept that it was over. He saw how upset I was (not crying mind you, but shaken), and said that he was "wrong and wanted to work on things". Claimed that he thought we could get through anything if we learn to just "talk to each other" instead of acting on our impulses all the time. I wasn't convinced, it was a very destructive thing to say, even for us. Over the next week, he took me out for nice dinners twice, continued to reassure me of how much he loved me and felt "lucky to have me in his life". In the past little while he has gone above and beyond to prove to me how much he wants me in his life, telling me that he couldn't live without me, talks about the future and tells me how much he needs me. He is still extremely affectionate.
What's wrong with this picture? Sorry for the long post, but I'm not sure how to feel about everything. First he tries to break it off, then spends the next two weeks trying to make it up to me? Was he testing me or something? He did mention after, "at least now I know that you do still love me". I've said a lot of destructive things too, but I've never told him that I "don't feel the same", because it's never been true. Help please!!
Edited 2/22/2004 4:56:44 PM ET by xandra23
| Sun, 02-22-2004 - 5:01pm |
| Sun, 02-22-2004 - 5:39pm |
