Confused about marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Confused about marriage
11
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 3:39pm
I am new here so bear with me. I have been married for 5 years and have 2 kids (3 & 4). My husband drinks (2 six pack 16 ox and 2 24oz) daily, he watched porn daily. The problem is that I lost respect for him when I came home from work early and caught him in the living room watching he video and doing his thing while our son was in the room crying because his father wouldn't let him out. I think that I have also lost respect for him because of the abuse that he put me through both physically and emotionally in the past. While he was in Kuwait he didn't drink at all and now it is a daily routine. I have figured it up and he spend about $250/month on beer. He tells me he watched porn because I won't have sex with him and he has even threatened to go and see a hooker. I feel that I should leave him but then I feel guilty because of the kids. Any suggestions on what I should do. I have tried talking with him but of course everything is either my fault or my families.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 3:55pm
Oh my god. The story of your husband masturbating with your son in the room is horrifying and unforgivable. End this abuse now and leave - there is NOTHING worth staying for. I hope you have family or friends who can help you. Plan your escape and get out. I wish you lots of luck.

Peace - Pebbles

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 4:09pm
You definitely need to get out! I think it would be worse to keep the kids in a dysfunctional household with a father that can not care for them, than to leave and start a healthy, happy life with them. It does not sound like there is any reason for you to stay. And for him to blame you for his porn habits and threaten you about going to a prostitute is absurd. He will be harming himself more than you if he does that!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 4:25pm
That is crazy!

You don't need to stay in this UNhealthy relationship!

Please grab your kids and run! It will be the best thing that has ever happened to you.

I know how you may feel scared to do it on your own, but trust me there are organizations out there that will help you, there is a way to make it without this abuse!

Keep us posted!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 4:25pm
Are you serious with this post? Your husband was forcing your child to watch porn while he masterbates? Not only should you leave him but you should file sexual abuse or child endangerment charges against him. Your husband exposed your child to porn and you are worried about how the children will feel if you break up? YOUR children are going to blame YOU for allowing him to emotional/sexually abuse them. Get out and get the children counselling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 5:25pm
I am sorry to not state clearly, that my son was in his bedroom and my husband was in the living room.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 5:29pm
helpless you are not. You need to put yourself and your children first. You need to love and respect yourself enough to get out. why on earth would you want your children growing up with a role model like that. I understand he is their father, but they deserve better. they deserve a happy mother, whether it be married or not. Maybe if you actually left it would help him to realize what he has done. But then again maybe not, that is a chance you would have to be willing to take.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 5:33pm
I was told by my coworkers that while he was in Kuwait that I was a different person. I was more relaxed and not worried about every little thing. But know that he is back I am back to where I was before he left. I worry about the money, what his mood is going to be like when I get home (he gets home before me). Sometimes I wonder if I am making more out of the situation than what is actually going on. We tried counseling before he left because I hold grudges for a LONG TIME. The counselor told me that I needed to quit holding grudges and try not to be hostile. Of course my husband never lost his temper in front of the counselor but I did on several occasions. So I ended up looking like the bad guy in the relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2004
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 9:50am
I am a friend of imhelpless and I just thought that I would give you the update on her situation. Her and her husband got into another fight over her not "putting out" and he beat her again. Of course he didn't put any bruises where they would be seen he made sure that they were where her clothes would cover them up. She is currently trying to get money together to get her and her kids out of the house.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 10:21am
I have never been married, but I have a two year old son. But I have always imagined when I do get married that my husband would take his vows seriously...to always love and respect me and our children. I'm sorry to tell you, but he doesn't respect you or your children. Masturbating while your child is screaming in the other room is despicable, if not disgusting. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that I was in a four year relationship. We weren't technically married, but lived as if we were. I knew he was never going to meet up to my standards, but I settled. Over the course of our relationship I had settled so much, that I no longer had any standards to live by. I let him scream and curse at me whenever he wanted. We were trying to save money to get into our own home, but he carelessly put $6000.00 on credit for TV's and a radio system into our car. I under normal circumstances would have never tolerated his behavior, but I had lost myself. I forgot who I was and what I wanted for my life...and of course, my son's life. I was heartbroken when he left, but GOD has proven there is HOPE! I have learned over the course of this dysfunctional relationship that I will never settle again. Although our situations do differ a great deal, don't let anything else but YOU be the reason why you need to stick to this man. You will survive just like the rest of us. Your children will respect you more if you considered their future. After all, do you want your children growing up and watching their father drink himself to death? Your children will be better off. I know this because my son was better off without his father. His father is now an unemployed drug addict who currently lives off of disability. So yes, my son is better without him!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Thu, 01-15-2004 - 10:30am
You need to leave this situation and I'm sure your family would support you. In the long run moving on will be better for your children and for you. You don't deserve this and it is only a matter of time before this situation starts to pull you down. Please leave for your own sake

I wish you all the luck...

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