Here's what I think. A first relationship is very rarely supposed to work out. It gives you a perspective on how to date someone, how to act in a relationship, tells you what mistakes you make and allows you to understand what you want out of a relationship and what you have to offer romantically. It's also extremely difficult to let go of. This is universal. Everyone goes through a tough breakup.
What stands out to me is that it just didn't work. This is okay, and I think you should tell yourself that it's perfectly alright to experience a breakup. You didn't act committed probably because you weren't ready to commit, or at least not to her specifically.
It gets easier. You'll date other women and maybe experience another rough breakup or two. But the more people you date and more experience you gain you'll get more confident in why you act the way you do, and what your standards really are for a woman who has long-term potential with you.
I agree with what intj told you, and it may help for you to consider that there is no one "right" person for you. All of the girls out there would fit you to varying degrees - unless you date them all, you can never really tell if the one you're with would fit you the best, but there are many girls who could possibly be right for you, you just haven't dated them yet. Finding the "right" person is simply a process of dating several (or many) people and finding someone who fits you well enough to not want to go looking anymore. This girl isn't the only one for you, there will be other opportunities.
I truly enjoy ivillage forums. Nearly everyone who regularly participates are polite, thoughtful, and sincerely trying to help others. I've learned sincerity isn't easy to find on the internet, so these forums are quite refreshing.
I began lurking here about eight months ago immediately following my own rough patch (it seems interpersonal relationships aren't exactly my forte) in an effort to gain insight as to any possible
Hopefully I can speak for all of us and say 'you are welcome, we are glad we can help on some level' - and I'm thankful for the extra perspectives that each of us add.
Here's what I think. A first relationship is very rarely supposed to work out. It gives you a perspective on how to date someone, how to act in a relationship, tells you what mistakes you make and allows you to understand what you want out of a relationship and what you have to offer romantically. It's also extremely difficult to let go of. This is universal. Everyone goes through a tough breakup.
What stands out to me is that it just didn't work. This is okay, and I think you should tell yourself that it's perfectly alright to experience a breakup. You didn't act committed probably because you weren't ready to commit, or at least not to her specifically.
It gets easier. You'll date other women and maybe experience another rough breakup or two. But the more people you date and more experience you gain you'll get more confident in why you act the way you do, and what your standards really are for a woman who has long-term potential with you.
Thanks so much for the quick input!
I agree with what you are saying but my only concern is "what if she is the right girl?"
Welcome to the board erroneous1234,
Do not confuse love with grief.
I am not going to
Thank you for the welcome =)
I truly enjoy ivillage forums. Nearly everyone who regularly participates are polite, thoughtful, and sincerely trying to help others. I've learned sincerity isn't easy to find on the internet, so these forums are quite refreshing.
I began lurking here about eight months ago immediately following my own rough patch (it seems interpersonal relationships aren't exactly my forte) in an effort to gain insight as to any possible
Hopefully I can speak for all of us and say 'you are welcome, we are glad we can help on some level' - and I'm thankful for the extra perspectives that each of us add.
Jump in any time.