Confused and Alone
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Confused and Alone
| Thu, 10-23-2008 - 10:17am |
Okay, well I met him two and a half years ago and we instantly connected. He was an alcoholic and addict at the time, and we were only friends for the first year. I helped him get into rehab and get his life together. He started going to school, working, got a nice apartment by the beach and all was good. For a year all was steady, and we were absolutely best friends. Then his landlord let him know that he had to move (not his fault, everyone in the building had to leave), and my roomate situation fell through and I had to find a place too. I was totally broke, and he was almost broke and we decided to go live on this hippie commune where he grew up. Just until we had enough money to get a place in town. Well, we were there for a year, we lived in a VERY small, old RV with no heat, no running water, and no electricity. He is a Carpenter, but could hardly get any work at all. I had a job as a cocktail waitress, but was fired after a few months because I broke my foot off the job and couldnt wait tables with an injured foot. Being that we were out in the country, there wasn't much else I could do and I was unable to find a job. So we were poverty stricken and basically homeless, but believe it or not we still got along great. We talked for hours had a great sex life and spent our free time together. Then he started drinking again and ruined that. We fought at first about it, then I just gave in and started drinking too, because if I was drunk too then I could tolerate him. Finally he started to try to stop drinking, and we decided to move cross country to the opposite coast where his mom lived. She had agreed to help us out financially since he had loaned her a very large sum of money years ago that she had never paid back. We agreed in our desperation. So we moved. He quit drinking and started going to AA with his mom who has been in the program for years. His mom surprised us and bought us a little house, a fixer upper but more than we had ever imagined. He asked me to marry him and I said yes. Then nothing happened. we moved into our house, and he started drinking again. He had gotten a great job when we moved out here that paid really well, but he lost this because of his drinking. We fought all the time, I became extremely depressed, far away from my friends and everything I had ever known. He drank and yelled and was pissed off and bitter. I cheated on him on him once, and never spoke to the guy again. He found out and quit drinking again. Now he doesn't do anything. He goes to work, makes just enough money to live on, comes home and watches TV. I am virtually ignored. We hardly ever have sex anymore, and when we do it is horrible and rarely lasts more than a minute or two. I feel totally alone, my self-esteem is gone. We don't talk about the wedding anymore, and I still don't have even a ring. He says it is because he doesn't feel good enough. But he just watches TV and wont try to do better even though I know he could. He is very bright and charismatic, has lots of skills, is very good-looking etc. there's no reason for him to be working for $11 an hour as a helper on a construction site. He's a Journeyman Carpenter! We don't have much, but our house and cars are paid for, and we would easily be doing well if he tried a little bit. I don't need much as far as money goes, I just want him back. I don't know what to do. I don't know if it's because of his age (he's 38, and I'm 23) or because he's always had a lot of money and now he doesn't or if he's just depressed or maybe he's just a loser and I've been being an idiot, but he's all I have (no family, no friends), and I know how amazing and successful he was after I first met him, once he got his life together, but it all fell apart again, so maybe it's me. I just don't know what to do.

Welcome to the board erose129,
You can't save him from himself, heal him, fix him, etc.