Confused and Angry
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|Wed, 06-01-2011 - 1:31pm|
I have been married for 16 years, my husband has recently turned 40 and is probably going through a mid-life crisis. This weekend he was upset as he is every year at this time (he is a vet and still has night terrors and does not function well during certain times of the year). I spoke to one of his friends a fellow vet and asked him if he would please call him to help him work through what he is going through. One of his friends words of advice was to be honest. Well he was and brutally so.
A couple nights before this my husband mentioned, as we were cuddling & watching the news, that if it "wasn't for me there would be something between him and this woman he works with. He has known her for 9 years, gone to school with her & worked with her. He recently got a new job and shortly thereafter she started working at the new place as well. They commute together and have one other person that commutes with them. When he said this I was shocked and didn't know what to say but once I had thought it through I was very hurt. I'm not one that wears my emotions on my sleeve they get buried deep and build until I explode.
Saturday night after he spoke with his friend, he tells me that he's been thinking about cheating and was feeling guilty about it and felt he needed to be honest about it. Wow I'm really glad he's eased his mind of the guilt he felt about thinking about cheating & all the rumors going around that they "just needed to sleep together & get it over with already" at work. And that he loved me but isn't sure he's in love with me.
I have always been secure in my marriage and never felt threatened by this woman because I was secure in the fact that he loved me and I had nothing to worry about.
Now that trust is gone, completely wiped away. He didn't cheat but I feel like he did and he sees this woman on a daily basis drives an hour both ways with her. He got a text at 445 this morning and I could hear him laugh about it. I don't know that it was from her but it made me want to check his phone.
I have never been a self confident person and I feel like this has shattered me. I'm working on building myself back up and I have resolved not to cater to him anymore. A good family friend tells me I should leave him and my mother says I should stay, that she went through this with my dad. In my heart I believe I should stay and not throw away 16 years and give him another chance.
He of course is perfectly relieved of guilt and wants to pretend that nothing is wrong that everything is back to the way it used to be. I'm feeling lost, confused & extremely angry.