Confused and dont know what to do- someone please help!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Confused and dont know what to do- someone please help!!!
6
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 4:42am

Hi in september 2009 i started an affair with a guy who was 22 and i was 28, it started off as just fun and sex. The sex mind you was extremeley passionate and like a love movie basically, we always wanted eachother and the sex was amazing. He used to call and text me all the time, say he liked me by text when he was out with his mates even called me at 3am in the morning on christmas day after a ruck he had in a club. We got really close, he would confide in me and ask for advice on stuff. But then i fell pregnant by the guy i was with even though i tried to finish it with him and the night i concieved i was very drunk and cant remember much but i thought who was the dad as it could have still been the guys i was having an affair with. Obviously i stopped the affair immediatly and realised even though either of them could be the dad i needed to do what was right by my unborn child. Both men i was seeing knew they could have been the father and the guy i had an affair with would still message me when i was pregnant saying he was confused because he really liked me and if the baby where to be his we would go for a meal and see where we will go. Anyway baby was born and it was not the guys i was having the affair with. But the guy i was having the affair with we would message and arrange to meet for sex but he would always let me down and not turn up. He admitted to me when i bumped into him on a night out that he did have feelings for me and i said what changed and he couldnt answer me. He still texts me now about sex saying he doesnt want to give me mixed messages and its just sex but at the same time telling me he wants me and he thinks about the sex we had etc etc all the time, and he wants to know what im most looking forward too when seeing him and that he will always fancy me and i still look very good etc etc thing is he knows i love him is he using that to get what he wants or is it that after all this time to still come back to me is because he feels the same....thing is the way he looks at me and touches and kisses me i just know its there but i think cos he is 24 and not ready to take on an older woman with a baby he ignores his feelings. Can anyone tell me what they think and what i should do????????

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

The affair guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

I agree with TrueBlue......stop worrying about the two men in your life, and concentrate on being a mother.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003

Hi,

My child is not far from being 2 years old and since having my boy i have not had sex or one relationship my boy has always been top prioity hence why im a full time working single mother that supports and brings up my child with no help.

The reason i posted the comment is because im inlove with the guy i had the affair with and maybe deep down i want to believe that does love me and its my child that puts him off being with me, which does seem to be the case so far i think!!

I did do a dna and i am not with the childs father i broke up with him when i was 8 weeks pregnant as i never loved him and he knew about the other guy as i was completely honest about everything from the start.

Thanks for your comments.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

You

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Samantha, I'm not seeing anything in this guy's actions which indicate you are significant to him.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Totally agree with true.blue. In other words: you're a booty call. Nothing more. Sorry.

Are you still with the father of your child? If so, maybe it's time to stop dwelling over the affair and focus on your actual relationship. Generally, people don't cheat for no reason - usually, they are missing something in their relationship that they find with someone else. So start assessing your relationship - what is it missing? What made you turn to an affair to begin with? If you can resolve those problems, you may find you no longer have an interest in an affair. If you can't resolve them, it's time to end the relationship.

If you're not still with the father of your child, then I suggest focusing on your baby instead of the affair guy. You didn't even mention whether you had a boy or a girl and still refer to your own child as "it", which I think is unusual and speaks volumes. You sound entirely too wrapped up in an unhealthy and unproductive affair when your focus should be on your child.