confused and frustrated

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2006
confused and frustrated
2
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 10:45pm
i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year now. I love him and he loves me. but i suddenly just became so jealous and angry with the things he does like drinking with his buddies every weeknd. I dont liek him dirnking and i dont know why, its nothign bad but its really irritating. i cannot bring myself to liking his frends either, tehy are complete a**holes. I have been trying so hard to become frends with them but they are all a bunch of gossiping old ladies. They have caused so much grief for me that i just stay away from them. Which makes it more difficult becuase they are my boyfrends best frend. Then theres the feelings that sumtimes im just not lettign him do alot of things. Like with seeing one another we go to school together so we see eachother alot but my mind is so caught up in school work that its just not enuf of aloen time. So weekends id expect to see him alot liek we used to but now its just him and his frends jamming cuz tehy are in a band. but when tehy have banned all i hear is them just drinking. so i have no belief in their music going far in life. he was such a great boyfrend where he would do everythign for me when i asked him to. but i guess his frends told him hes whipped and now hes doing everyhting i dont liek it really is frustrating and depressing. We will hang out one day and have an amazing time but he hangs out one day with his frends and then comes bak to me its this totally changed person. I just dont understand him at all.. should i end it..but i cant bring myself to doing that im too attached. Like hes never ever done this before. And one other thing he put up a poster of a coors light gurl which is very hot on his wall...is he tryign to tell me sumthing ive given that poster dirty looks infront of him as childish as it sounds and he just laughs. like i am really losing my mind with this man.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 10:34am

I don't know how old both of you are, but you say you are in school. It does sound as though he is not ready for a committed, close relationship, but needs and wants time just to be a single guy, hang out with friends, play his music and chase girls. The poster is something a young, single guy would do. Yes, he's giving you a message. His actions speak very loudly. He must care for you, but also wants to be young, single and free.


If someone's not ready to committ to a closer one on one relationship, they're just not ready. If I were you, I'd let go. This doesn't sound healthy for you. You're going back and forth like a ping pong ball, and his behavior and friends it seems, are not being respectful to you.


Sit down and be clear about what you want in a relationship, what you're ready for. Then see if he's able to give you this. If he isn't, let this go and move forward so you can find someone who will make you feel good about yourself and where things will be balanced and healthy.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 5:35pm

Welcome to the board almal2006,


It sounds like he isn't mature enough or just not ready