Confused and guilt ridden

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2007
Confused and guilt ridden
3
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 9:08pm

I have been in a relationship for 2 years going on 3. I love him very much and know that eventually I will marry him. I have never been unfaithful in any of my relatioships,let alone the present one, but I am having thoughts of it now.

There is this guy who I seem to have more than just a crush on. I like him. I keep my distance from him because I don't think these feelings are appropiate yet they are still there. I guess what I am asking is if this is normal. I know I shouldn't jeapordize my relationship, and should I just ignore my feelings or am I just overeacting about normal attraction? I'm just so confused...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 10:47am
This could just be normal attraction. Do you know why you like him? Are there things you like about him that you aren't getting from your bf?
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 1:43pm

Sometimes, during the course of a relationship which we care about and cherish, we meet someone else who stirs up romantic and sexual feelings. Needless to say, if we dwell upon this person, or think about taking it further, it becomes a real threat to our first relationship. Having a passing attraction or fantasy is one thing, taking it to another level is something quite different.


Why would you want to jeopordize your first relationship? Are you tired of it? Is something important missing for you? Are there unresolved issues that need to be worked out? Sometimes we get involved with another person in order to get out of a relationship that's not working for us. (Though this is a poor way to do it. It's much better to face what's going on in your relationship and deal with it in a forthright manner).


I wouldn't go forward with anyone else until I was completely clear that the initial relationship was over, and until I had tried to work out the issues that were causing the problem. It's always best to be clear and honest about your relationships. This saves a lot of heartache and guilt for all concerned.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2007
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 2:16am

thanks for the advice.. I think perhaps it's my fear of commitment rearing its head in...also my bf and I havent been spending any time with each other so perhaps im enjoying the attention I'm getting??? I know that I can't and I wont dwell on the other guy...

thanks again!