Confused and Hurt
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Confused and Hurt
| Wed, 09-08-2004 - 1:40pm |
Have been dating wonderful guy for two months. We have never had anything but fun together, we have a lot in common, can finish each other's sentences, etc. He took me to meet his parents two weeks ago. Since then everything has changed! We were talking about going away at the end of this month and he all of the sudden said we are not going with no explanation. He all of the sudden seems to not want to commit when he said things before that made me think he was definitely leaning in that direction and he just pulled out of an October wedding because of a "work" conflict. We're still hanging out but it's not the same and all of the sudden he has all these new criticisms of me. When I met his mother I didn't get a good vibe from her, she was only superficially nice. She treats him like he is a god and introduces him as her oldest son even though he is a twin! I am crazy about this guy, he said he's not dating anyone else but wants to get to know each other better and keep the door open. I don't have a problem giving him more time, after all we have only been dating two months, but he seems to have totally jumped the tracks he was on and gone in a totally different direction. Please help, I am driving myself crazy trying to figure this out!!

Your "issue" is with MOM....not with the guy you want to "escape" with!
If there's no longer a spouse in Mom's life...the oldest boy is her rock of salvation and "mama won't allow" another woman to take him away from her!
You might want to work at trying to convince MOM that you've got some terrific qualities that even SHE would approve of! It's obvious the first impression you made (when the 2 of you met) wasn't very good!
By the way...2 months isn't a lot of time. While your b/f might not have any other women in his life, your "romantic enthusiasm" might....be scaring the hell out of him!
S-L-O-W-D-O-W-N with this one, okay?
Pianoguy
Carrie
I'd highly recommend that you read the book "A Fine Romance" by Judith Sills...she calls this phase the "switch", and it makes a lot of sense (I know I've experienced it in a number of r'ships). The key is to be relaxed about it (even though it's killing you to do so!) and let him have the space he needs to make a decision about whether to move forward.
Sheri
OK, OK, I see that you are definitely right about the slowing down thing. But, I just have to defend myself on a couple points. One, he moved just as quickly if not quicker than I. He took me to meet his parents while I haven't taken him to meet mine yet. He is backing out of vacations that were totally his idea. So, while I agree that he is scared, I can't take all the blame, he may be just as scared by his own actions as well!
Also, his parents are still together, his father just isn't as vocal about our relationship. And sucking up to his mother isn't going to do any good. I know I'm not taking any responsibility here, but I also am not going to assume I did anything to create a bad impression. I graduated from one of the best universities in the country and am starting medical school next year. I come from a wonderful, well-respected family and am pretty worldly and traveled for my age. I've lived abroad on my own and speak 4 languages. I've done a lot of modeling, she was also a model (and we look oddly similar:). And I think I am very kind, classy, friendly, and really do care about her son. I am a little quiet around people I don't know well, but nobody has ever accused me of being cold or unfriendly which is how I feel she reacted to me. This is a woman who still buys her 32 year old son furniture and makes him lunch every day (they work at the family business together)!! I hate to say it, but I don't think ANYONE is good enough for her son according to her.
However, the comments about slowing down and chilling out are definitely on target and have actually alleviated a lot of stress for me. So, I thank everyone that was kind enough to respond to my message.