Confused and Hurting, Please Help !

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Confused and Hurting, Please Help !
19
Tue, 11-13-2007 - 11:05am

My girlfriend and I have been going out for 6 years and 8 months and just recently we broke up (3 weeks exactly). She said the reasons were that she seemed that I had no foundation to move on and build a future. I agree that it’s a valid reason; I don't really think that it was just that I have no ambition I guess it's that we were, well I was pretty comfortable living @ home at my parents house w/her because we weren't really paying mortgage or rent and we had it pretty easy and I just wanted to just relax and take advantage of that because I know that things change once we moved out and had a mortgage or rent. I will admit that I had stopped going to school, and she's real big on school. Besides my full-time job I really wasn't doing much of anything else except for playing games and surfing the web. We have been living together for the last 3 years, we had plans to move out on our own in March once I finished paying off my car, since rent is so expensive here in Miami. Everything relationship wise was going good, based on what she told me after we broke up and I agree. She said the only thing that bothered her and lead her to the break up was the fact that she saw no future. I’m in love with this girl and this has been the hardest 3 weeks, I had plans to ask her to marry me after we moved out. I’m trying the whole "ignore her" thing kind of, I say kind of because she hasn't really made any effort to call or email me or nothing! Everyone tells me to just move on but I love this girl WAY too much to just move on. I sent flowers yesterday along with a letter basically telling her how I felt and my plans to build a foundation, I know she got them but she hasn’t contacted me for

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 2:35pm
It could be she wants to see how she feels, could be she just wants to go to the party.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 5:12pm
Thanks for the update. Did you ask her why she wanted to go? I am assuming you said yes. You will have to let us know what happens at the party.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 6:10am

I dont know your update but if it is stiil "the days just seem to get longer and harder ! I'm only missing her more and more !" do something before it gets impossible to re-unite.Otherwise you will be left only with heartache of which there is no cure ( IMHO ).Some say time is a healer but not for everyone.

If she is going to the same party as you,i would interpret it as trying to see how things are.she sure has feelings otherwise she wont go to the same place where she knows you would be.if she avoids going to same place later,it means she is hurt for you still not doing anything productive.

Anything else?:-)

Act before it's too late.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Fri, 11-23-2007 - 3:58pm

New Update !

I would like to start of by saying Thank You !!! To everyone who has been reading this and keeping up with it, it really means a lot and appreciate all of your advice !

The day after she called and told me she was going to the party she sends me a text message basically saying she wasn't going because she had thought about it and it didn't seem to be the best idea because "I" was not over it yet and it would just make things and the people there too awkward. I then told her that it will not be awkward because she will be with her friends, which are basically my best friends g/f & her friend, and I would be with my friends and if she didn't want to talk that it was ok with me. She then told me that that was the thing, she said she would "LOVE !" to talk to me but as friends and until "I" am ready for that we shouldn't hang out or talk. Then I told her that we can always make arrangements to go out with our mutual friends so we don't accidentally run into each other and that I always thought that we were really good friends in our previous relationship and that I didn't expect that to finish. She then said that we did have that in our previous relationship and that was true and that she wasn't sure if she was going or not but that she really appreciated me trying to be ok with her going.

That was I believe Monday, since then I have found out that 2 days after we broke up she started talking to some guy that she had for one of her classes. I had to ask her so on Wednesday I called and she told me it was true. She told me that they had gone on a couple dates but she swore that nothing while we were going out. She also told me that it was nothing serious that the only reason she did it was because he helped her not think about me and it made things easier. When I heard that I almost broke down inside ! It just hurt soooooo much I didn't know how to respond to that ! I asked her if I could ask her a few questions more about somethings I need to know about us and about me personally, she told me yes but not now because she was going out that evening, I said fine then when, then she told me that she didn't know because she was really busy because of school and other things but she would call me to set it up. I have yet to hear from her.

Even after finding out that just 2 days after breaking up she was with someone else I still want to be with her !!! Whats wrong with me ??? Everyone I know would be done with this garbage and I'm just trying to find ways to fix it to get back with her ! I'm more confused now than I was when I started this thing ! All the signs are pointing for me to move forward and move on with my life without her but all my heart wants is to be with her and work as hard as i have to to prove to her that i am serious about our future and it just doesn't let me move on ! Part of me wants to and part of me doesn't ! She just means so much to me I just don't want to give up but at the same time this hurts soooo much I just want it to stop !

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Mon, 11-26-2007 - 12:54pm

Another update:


Well the party was on Saturday and she didn't show up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 11-26-2007 - 1:12pm

Thanks for the update. I am sorry you are going through all of this with her. I can that you still really have feelings for her. I know breakups can be really hard. At this point I don't think she is interested in getting back with you.


Try keeping yourself busy and it will get better.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Mon, 11-26-2007 - 2:27pm
The fact that it hurts to hear about her dating others is proof that you can't be friends right now. This is so mixed up. Stay away from her until you are focused on everything out. How are you doing in other areas of your life? Don't go by third party info.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Mon, 11-26-2007 - 2:36pm

the issue which you couldnt handle till she walked out, is still there.right? she gave you nearly 7 years.how long more do you want her to wait for you?

Ignoring the problem for long doesnt solve it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Mon, 11-26-2007 - 3:12pm
The problem is being worked on.

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