Confused and In Love

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008
Confused and In Love
4
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 1:59pm

Hi all~


I'm new to the boards and have a problem. My current boyfriend and I have a really strong emotional connection and when things are good, they are really good. He treats me really good, is sweet, tells me how he feels. I on the other hand, have some trust issues, control issues and sometimes I say things that aren't very nice to him. This morning (because I have a need to control as much as I can--the money and finances being one of them) we had an argument because I want to pay off my low balance credit card and he wants an iPhone and I told him to wait until next week when he gets paid to get it, so I can pay this credit card off. He argued with me and kept asking me money questions until I felt like I was being attacked and I called him a "dumbass" and he just let loose on me and kicked me in the leg and hit my backside and then when I tried to get off the bed, he grabbed my shirt and pulled me back down on the bed (and I was afraid to move, so I laid there and cried).


My question is, I know I probably deserved it for calling him a name like that, but it scared me and if things get this explosive between us during a spat like that, is the good worth the bad? I love him so much and can't wait to see him at the end of the day, but I can't be in fear of him.


He told me he's ashamed of how he handled things this morning and that if I want him to leave, he'll leave...but I don't think I want that.


What should I say or do...I know I need to get a handle on my need to control and stop telling him what to do, but I'm afraid I don't know how to do that either. Help me to save this relationship.


Thanks~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 2:56pm

Welcome to the board texasgirl1027,


So there's name calling going on, but that should not be an excuse for him to kick you, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 3:11pm

Welcome to the board texasgirl1027,


There is never any excuse for someone to resort to physical violence in a relationship. He is abusive. If this is the first time something like this has happened, it will not be the last. You should never put up with this in a relationship. You deserve better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 3:29pm

Thank you...I know that it's wrong, but I feel like if I wouldn't have said what I said, it wouldn't have happened. I was raised to believe that physical violence against women is wrong, but I love him so much and most of the time we get along so good...and yes, I know I sound exactly like those women that other women cringe when they hear them say these ridiculous things.


Thank you, I know that I don't deserve to be treated in a physically violent way and I think he does too, otherwise why would he feel so bad and ashamed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 5:37pm

I feel like if I wouldn't have said what I said, it wouldn't have happened.


Seriously, that is what just about every battered woman says and believes.

 

 

 

 

 

******************************************* “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again