Confused and In Love
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| Tue, 03-25-2008 - 1:59pm |
Hi all~
I'm new to the boards and have a problem. My current boyfriend and I have a really strong emotional connection and when things are good, they are really good. He treats me really good, is sweet, tells me how he feels. I on the other hand, have some trust issues, control issues and sometimes I say things that aren't very nice to him. This morning (because I have a need to control as much as I can--the money and finances being one of them) we had an argument because I want to pay off my low balance credit card and he wants an iPhone and I told him to wait until next week when he gets paid to get it, so I can pay this credit card off. He argued with me and kept asking me money questions until I felt like I was being attacked and I called him a "dumbass" and he just let loose on me and kicked me in the leg and hit my backside and then when I tried to get off the bed, he grabbed my shirt and pulled me back down on the bed (and I was afraid to move, so I laid there and cried).
My question is, I know I probably deserved it for calling him a name like that, but it scared me and if things get this explosive between us during a spat like that, is the good worth the bad? I love him so much and can't wait to see him at the end of the day, but I can't be in fear of him.
He told me he's ashamed of how he handled things this morning and that if I want him to leave, he'll leave...but I don't think I want that.
What should I say or do...I know I need to get a handle on my need to control and stop telling him what to do, but I'm afraid I don't know how to do that either. Help me to save this relationship.
Thanks~

Welcome to the board texasgirl1027,
So there's name calling going on, but that should not be an excuse for him to kick you, etc.
Welcome to the board texasgirl1027,
There is never any excuse for someone to resort to physical violence in a relationship. He is abusive. If this is the first time something like this has happened, it will not be the last. You should never put up with this in a relationship. You deserve better.
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Thank you...I know that it's wrong, but I feel like if I wouldn't have said what I said, it wouldn't have happened. I was raised to believe that physical violence against women is wrong, but I love him so much and most of the time we get along so good...and yes, I know I sound exactly like those women that other women cringe when they hear them say these ridiculous things.
Thank you, I know that I don't deserve to be treated in a physically violent way and I think he does too, otherwise why would he feel so bad and ashamed.
I feel like if I wouldn't have said what I said, it wouldn't have happened.
Seriously, that is what just about every battered woman says and believes.
******************************************* “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again