Confused and sad.....need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Confused and sad.....need help
30
Sat, 07-05-2008 - 7:23am

Hi all, I really need some help and advice here because I think my story is a strange one. Let me first introduce myself. I'm a 26 year old Lebanese. I lived in the UK most of my life but currently i'm working in Kuwait.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Sat, 07-05-2008 - 7:31am

By the way, just one more question, even if we were to think that she was a flirty girl who just wanted to hve some fun....what would that make her? and was all this just some sort of atraction or there didn't seem even to be any attraction?


Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 07-05-2008 - 1:44pm

Welcome to the board ghost7,


Sounds to me that while she enjoys/enjoyed your attention, it's safe and she's afraid to take it to the next step.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Sat, 07-05-2008 - 4:11pm

Thanks for your response Flame. Your answer is very close to what some of my friends told me. However, would you say that all this was just some sort of "fun" for her because I could swear she seemed genuine. My parents are starting to doubt whether she was genuine or not even though immaturity is considered.


Also, did she seem to 'like' me or was just attracted to me or neither of those?


I'm just trying to understand what was in her head before all this. Thanks and thanks to anyone who can help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 07-05-2008 - 4:17pm

Could be she did/does feel something, but that doesn't mean she's willing to act on her feelings or willing to take that step forward.





angels

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Sat, 07-05-2008 - 7:00pm

If she is not ready to be married and give up the free living lifestyle then it is best that you know now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Sun, 07-06-2008 - 2:49am

Hey Angel,


Thanks for your response.


First of all, I believe what you are willing to do or act with your man is 100% correct. If both of you want to live a happy life, then he should compromise for you and you should compromise for him but from what I can see is that he is the one that needs to compromise at this point. If he loves you and cares for you then he shouldn't 'hang' out with other women.


Second point concerning my case, I believe what you said is true because she did mention to me before that she is not up for the responsibility and she is not ready for this and that she is happy with her life now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Sun, 07-06-2008 - 2:56am

What do you think the solution is because I still have feelings towards her?


Considering the above details, is it worth still thinking about her or shall i just let it go completely even for the future?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 07-06-2008 - 8:03am
Is it possible that she wants to finish college as a carefree young girl, and would feel more comfortable marrying after she has her degree? If so, the two of you could have a long engagement (or a plan to meet again when her studies are complete). She's only 20, and will mature a great deal in the next two years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Sun, 07-06-2008 - 12:29pm

Geoteo,


She did mention to me that its early and she is not ready for engagement. I never told her I wanted to marry her and thats the problem because even a simple engagement she is refusing. My idea was to get engaged, go see her every 2 months or so and that we can really get to know each other but the entire idea seems to be hard for her to accept. At the begining she was willing but if I were to take her words as truth, she told me that when things got too real, it made her back up. She talks as if I was going to see her just for fun. It was realk from the start and she should have known this.


You see, i'm not sure if all that is an excuse because she doesn't want me but the way she acted when I was with her was positive and even after I left and told her I can wait for her, shje was also acting positive yet she didn't even want to give me a word that she will wait for me 100%. She left me nothing to hold on to. She just wanted me in her life somehow but no commitment whatsoever and no time limit for engagement and "if it happens then it happens" according to her.


Also, she was pretty rude and selfish near the end of all this. She would talk to me in a very dry way and sometimes ignore my messages and like I said, she would never take any initiative to ask about me first. It was always me asking about her so I had to send her an email telling her that if you do not want an engagement then I should be out of her completly and not stick around, not even on facebook or msn. And thats why I did.


Its very strange what happened to her but in a nutshell, her reason is that she is not ready and doesn't want to change lifestyles at the moment and is not up for the responsibility. Thats her reason. Not sure whether I should take that as a genuine reason or not but no other reason makes sense.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 07-06-2008 - 12:49pm

Even though you have feelings, I would tell you to stay away from her so that she knows and believes that you are out of reach and until you heal.


::Its very strange what happened to her but in a nutshell, her reason is that she is not ready and doesn't want to change lifestyles at the moment and is not up for the responsibility. Thats her reason. Not sure whether I should take that as a genuine reason or not but no other reason makes sense.


Believe her. Even if her words and behavior do not match, otherwise you will only make yourself crazy.





angels

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