Confused and sad.....need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Confused and sad.....need help
30
Sat, 07-05-2008 - 7:23am

Hi all, I really need some help and advice here because I think my story is a strange one. Let me first introduce myself. I'm a 26 year old Lebanese. I lived in the UK most of my life but currently i'm working in Kuwait.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2004
Sun, 07-06-2008 - 1:12pm

I think she is basically not ready for a commitment beyond dating. Perhaps she is also concerned with dating from a distance. I'm in it & I know how hard it is & it may just be beyond her to imagine. Have you guys discussed this? However I'm sure she is captivated by you & that's why she was so engaging with you. Maybe at the tail end she was feeling threatened since you keep asking her to decide, hence her reactions were nasty. After all she is only 20 & she might not be experience enough to handle the situation with you.

You said that breaking off an engagement is no biggy, but maybe she does not see it this way. She would rather be certain before getting engagement with you or all the men she has rejected before you. Is it possible to consider dating her without an engagement since everyone seems modern enough not to be tied to the tradition? Maybe then she'll feel more at ease to date. And I'm guessing that's why she suggest continuing to be friend because maybe she just want to date without an engagement.

At the end of the day, the answer is with her. I'm just making guesses & throwing possibilities your way & my other suggestion is to get your sister-in-law to sound it out from her.

Best wishes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Sun, 07-06-2008 - 6:25pm

I agree ghost7 he shouldnt hang out with other women as i dont hang out with other men. No dirty dancing, no smooching, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Mon, 07-07-2008 - 6:25am

Even though you have feelings, I would tell you to stay away from her so that she knows and believes that you are out of reach and until you heal.


I think your right Flame, that is the best solution. Its really hard waking up every morning knowing that I'm actually not talking to her. Never a girl made me feel that way like she did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Mon, 07-07-2008 - 6:31am

Jen,


I think she is basically not ready for a commitment beyond dating.


She denied that though. I asked her after I came back to Kuwait "are we like bf/gf?" and she was like "no".


Is it possible to consider dating her without an engagement since everyone seems modern enough not to be tied to the tradition? Maybe then she'll feel more at ease to date. And I'm guessing that's why she suggest continuing to be friend because maybe she just want to date without an engagement.


The thing is, maybe thats what she really wanted deep down inside, I do not know, but she is old enough to understand that it won't really work and I can't put up with someone who I know isn't mine. It'll be hard to date her when we are in seperate countries and even if we did, imagine we break up later? I believe that will be harder for one of us and the way she thought of it i.e. no commitment but lets just talk....was a bit selfish from her end. She knew its hard for me to do that and she knew that way she feels free. But she had no consideration for me.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Mon, 07-07-2008 - 6:56am

Angel,


This is what happened for the points that are relevant.


1) We spoke over the phone and on msn for 2 months before i saw her. We used to laugh, flirt, promise we want each other and we spoke about everything and she agreed etc...


2) I went to see her.


3) Whilst I was there, a few things/hints happened that made me understand everything is great like;


a) Sits close to me b) plays with my hair c) feeds me from her own hand d) talks to me about the future like "I wish we can travel etc... e) Puts make up on my face for fun f) wanted to talk him home twice late at night on her own g) Her mother talks to me in a way as if everything is ok like she talks to me in future tense forexample "ohh, you WILL see a lot"..."don't let her annoy you later".... H) text me on my last day asking me to see her quickly before I leave even though I said bye the day before and she gave me her presents...........I) insisting on me staying for lunch when she could have easily agreed for me to leave because I was invited at a family members house but she insisted for me to stay....J) asked her if its ok when my father speaks to her father

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Mon, 07-07-2008 - 9:46pm

Based on what you posted her behavior initially seemed fine and she appeared to flirt with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Tue, 07-08-2008 - 11:53am

Hey Angel,


Your right about the metal issue these days. People were not as mature as they used to be in the past. When I was 20, I'm sure I was more mature than her even though I'm a guy and they say girls mature quicker.


Anyway, thanks for your feedback.


One more question though. Its been 2 weeks since I sent her the final email telling her goodbye and that if she wants me, she should come to me. She replied saying goodbye too and admited that we cannot be friends. I removed her completely from facebook and skype but I only blocked her on msn. The funny thing is that i'm sure she knows that I removed her from facebook since its been 2 weeks and she hasn't seen me online on msn for

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Thu, 07-10-2008 - 1:38pm

I wouldnt read too much into the fact that she didnt remove you from facebook.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 9:06am

Hi Angel,


In her last email to you, did she go into any explanation about why she changed her mind about you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 3:38pm
"I'm scared and maybe its because things have become too real, I don't think I'm able to handle the responsibility and usually I'm up for handling anything but you made my heart small with this issue".

Other sentences she said later on on different occasions "I was scared and confused but no i'm not, I just don't want anyone to get involved in my life".


There you have it.