confused and Scared

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
confused and Scared
3
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 11:30am
Hi. I am a 52 year old man who is confused and was advised to come here for advice from women. I have changed careers and am in a place where I am the only male (n elementary school). I have had signs from a 29 year old woman (soon to be 30) that appear to be flirtatious and interested in me. It frankly scares me as a I am married with kids and do not want this. Here is what she does...at a recent fundraiser she sat at a table next to mine and constantly glanced over to me and waved, had a picture taken with me that is in her "photo album" right after her mom and sister, we share signs and she reads me the horoscopes, uses nick names for me(went from calling me Mr. ___ to that), she says she likes my first name when I actually do not, laughs at almost everything I say, says she is "patient" (for what I do not know), said it was time for me to come out of my shell, said I can not tease her (not that I do or did) but she CAN tease me, listens to music I gave her for her class supposedly that is now in her car, when at lunch as a group lets down her hair and stretches in front of me, sometimes acts playfully in the halls when I hurry to the bathroom (chases me to get there first), holds doors closed on me when I am carrying heavy things and need to open them (did this in front of her sister and mother at the fundraiser), waves to me from her car like a girl when her mother picks her up after evening events, hired me for after school work with the comment that she needed me there for "selfish reasons"..need more? Are these signs of something, or am I reading into it?

Background I learned... all her friends are either getting married or having babies, she lives at home still near the work place, and she was engaged but broke it off and I supposedly look like her former intended. I have made comments on how old I am and she says its never too late to start over, made comments on how little I now make vs. last career and she says that does not matter. I act professionaly, but it continues. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? I feel vulnerable, never had this in business in 30 years. I can not afford to jeaopardize my new career, nor do I want to leave the place as I love it. Any advice? Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 11:49am
Oh, wow. This is a new one. As a woman who's had some experiences with office infatuations (and even one relationship a few years ago), maybe I can offer some advice.

To answer your question. No, you're probably not imagining it. It sounds like she does have a crush on you. Not to worry, you can still nip this thing in the bud. Keep your conversations strictly business and try not to show any reactions when she flirts with or teases you. She should get the hint. If she makes a more direct pass at you, just tell her you're flattered, more importantly very happily married. Tell her you enjoy working with her as a colleague but that's it. Try the distance first, though before being blunt.

Good luck and let us know what happens.

Ivy

georgiasugarbaby@yahoo.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 11:53am
Thanks, that's the approach I have been taking hoping it will work. Will let you know. Ialso told my wife and asked for her advice, as I have nothing to hide and need her wisdom. Similar, but she also laughed, as did I. Its so strange!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 2:52pm
I had a girl friend who was married to a good looking guy, and he had this happen to him quite a few times in his career. Through trial and error, they developed what they called "The Treatment" Here's what they did:

1. He confided in his wife. They were close and he told her everything about this woman in the office who wouldn't take no for an answer.

2. He extended an invitation to the co-worker for dinner, and asked her to meet him at his house.

3. Once she got there, the wife and kids were there, it was a family dinner, and he was very attentive to his wife. The wife befriended the woman and showed her all of their family pictures, including their courtship and wedding, while he told affectionate little stories about how he fell in love with her. During the evening he made a point to be extra affectionate to his wife, both physically and emotionally. He complimented her, put his arms around her and told her how lucky he was to have found her, and how he wanted his friend "X" (The other woman wannabe) to experience the same thing, and couldn't the wife think of any friends to set her up with? It always turned into a quasi-counseling session for the other woman's love life. Picture you sitting on the couch with your arms around your wife, and the two of you giving her advice on how to find a man. She won't stick around long, and I bet she backs off after that.

4. After the dinner, my friends husband made sure to talk about his wife in the office, about how great she is, what he's planning for their anniversary etc.

This is for extreme cases, but it can work. If you don't want her at your house, try a lunch, although I don't think that is as effective as letting her see your happy home and all of the memories and experiences you share with your wife and family.

Good Luck!

Let us know what you decide to do.