Confused and Stressed!
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Confused and Stressed!
| Tue, 09-16-2008 - 10:26pm |
Hello everyone, I have a huge problem.. I've been with my "fiance" for 10 yrs. now and I am at a point that I don't know what to do. I feel like we are at a cross road with me going a different direction, I know in my heart I have to let him go we just have too many issues that are beyond repair. First is his mother I HATE THE LADY, she's evil, and now she has moved in with him and I am not allowed to go there when she is there because she does not like me, but when his house needs cleaning he calls me to go there and clean even though he has a 12 yr. old and an 18 yr. old daughter that don't do a thing. Next is the fact that I had moved away and had left him, then he begged me to leave my job and come back closer to him and that he would help me until I get back on my feet, now every time I ask him for money for necessities he says he doesn't have it which I know he does because he gave his ungrateful 18 yr. old a 100 dollars to go buy clothes for school since she had dropped out and now has re-enrolled. He goes out with his friends meanwhile I have lost every last friend I have ever had because they don't like him and don't want to speak to me anymore, wether

Honestly, what jumps out from your post is, well, you don't say a single positive thing about him or the relationship.
First of all you are in and have been in an abusive relationship. The question is why? Why do you go and clean his house when he disrespects you and gives so little? Why don't you feel as though you deserve more?
The real issue is your relationship with yourself, not with him. He is giving you nothing and there is no reason at all to be there, except to torture and punish yourself. Get yourself a job (any job), just get a structure and some income and find yourself a therapist. (There are low cost therapists at clinics and hospitals). You need a professional person to work with to help you re-build your life and help you understand what happened, so that it does not happen again. You've got to focus on your own life and health now. Go to some support groups, meet new people, reach out to others in the same situation. (There are many support groups for abused women, and others as well). As you build your own life, you will just be able to let go of this negative experience in your life.
Best wishes,
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Welcome to the board mari429,
I wonder how fast you would get a job and get back on your feet if you let him go? I bet faster than you can imagine.
There is no possible way you can work out your relationship.
Keep that phrase in your mind for a few days and take some time to wrap your head around why.
You can either look at the last decade as time you don't want to throw away, or you could realize that it's an entire decade you've wasted putting your needs on hold indefinitely. Do you want to go another decade like this? All you'll get is more of the same, until you're 90 years old looking back on your life and knowing that you will never get the chance to go back and do it over again.
You're wasting your time with a "taker" who you despise. Even if you did get marriage from him, would you really be happy?
Take a deep breath, think it over for a few, then take a giant leap and move back. You may not be able to save your old friendships but you may form new ones. You could meet a man who loves you and is happy to cherish you. You could have a future - but that will never happen as long as you convince yourself that you're stuck here. You will NEVER have that chance if you don't take this step.
I wish you the best of luck because you know what you have to do, the "doing" is the tough part but it will happen and you'll look back with a sigh of relief wondering why you waited so long.