Confused and Unsure...Please Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2013
Confused and Unsure...Please Help!
6
Sat, 09-21-2013 - 4:33pm

I dated the guy about 5 years ago. I wanted to marry him more that anything and he lead me to believe that was what he wanted too. When he broke up with me I was devistated. Two weeks after he left me I found out I was pregnant but 2 months into the pregnancy I had a miscarrage and became depressed. About a month ago a received a phone call from him saying he was back in town and wanted to talk. We've been spending time together ever since and I still have feelings for him. Last week he proposed to me and I'm not really sure if we should get married. After all he did break my heart before. And I'm not sure if I'm just having feelings for the guy he was before and the father of a baby I was unable to carry...or the guy he is now. If anybody has any advice I would appreciate it. Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 09-21-2013 - 4:41pm

I think it's crazy that after being together again for 1 month, he is proposing.  It could possibly work out but 5 yrs is a lot of time to have passed--I'm sure you have both gone through a lot of changes since then.  He is operating off remembering the person you were before--you both need time to discover who you are now.  If you want to keep seeing him fine, but you should take your time getting to know each other again and not rush into marriage,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 09-22-2013 - 12:44am

I agree with musiclover.  Neither of you is the same person you were 5 years ago.  And neither of you knows the "new" person in one month.  Just out of curiousity, did he ever know you were pregnant the last time?  If so, what was his reaction to it?  Why is he in such a hurry to get a commitment now?  I would tell him to table that discussion for at least 9 months to a year before either of you considers marriage.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 09-23-2013 - 7:23pm

I agree that the two of you need to spend more time together before making any decisions about marriage.  I don't see any reason to rush into anything.  And even if you have already said "yes," you can have a long engagement.  :) 

Serenity
Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Tue, 09-24-2013 - 11:46am

you're kidding right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2013
Thu, 09-26-2013 - 8:35am

I told him as soon as I found out about it and he was shocked and wasn't sure he was ready to be a father. But he now claims that he's ready to be a husband and later on be a father.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Wed, 10-23-2013 - 12:17pm

I agree with the rest... You two are two different people.  Start getting to know each other all over again.