Confused feelings. Please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2004
Confused feelings. Please help.
1
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 2:19pm
I have only been marrried for about 7-8 months. I have been noticing a change in my relationship with my husband. I feel like I am at the bottom of his list. We bearly send any time together anymore and I feel like I never get to see him. It seems like everything else is more important then me and he would rather send his time do other things. I have talked to him many times about this. We started having this problem before we even got married. I thought it was just from all the stress of the wedding. Things don't seem to be getting any better. I love him alot. But lately I have been having some feeling about another person and I'm not sure it they are true feelings or if they are just because he seems so much better for me and he would do all the little things that matter. I love my husband and I'm not sure what I should do. The thought of losing him scared me to death. I try not to think of this other person, but when we are around him that's all I think about. I haven't cheated on my husband and I never would. No one knows about these feeling but me. I have known this other guy for about 2 years and every time I am around him the feelings get stronger. I'm not sure what road I should be going down. This whole thing is really frustrating to me. I could really use some advice as to what I should do and what these feeling mean. I don't want to end my marriage and I can't stop thinking of this other guy. Please help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 2:29pm
I think it's time for another conversation with your husband, take him for a walk away from the house (chores, tv, computer, etc) and ask him how he feels about a date night once a week to help the two of you connect and feel close? Let him talk, if he will. Ask him if he's happy...and let him talk. If good communication about the problem doesn't come from this, then try one of these two things - I feel we aren't communicating well and I would really like to fix this. Any ideas? (let him talk) Would you be willing to go to couple's counseling with me? OR "I've been getting some flirty attention and it's made me realize that while I like the attention, I really want to be flirty with you and have that kind of attention spark between us."

Reading material to consider:

How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together: Breakthrough Strategies to Resolve Your Conflicts and Reignite Your Love by Sue Ellen Page

Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix

A Couple's Guide to Communication, John Mordechai Gottman

Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw

His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr

Maybe just having them around the house will start a good conversation.

My best to you.


Carrie