Confused by His Intentions?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Confused by His Intentions?
5
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 11:43pm
I met a man Saturday night - it was actually a blind date. We hit it off immediately - he told me I had restored his faith in women, was very flattering so on and so forth. I didn't end up getting home until 4:00am as we were having so much fun together. He asked I call him later that day which I did. He wanted to meet for coffee at 2:30 and we did. We spent the afternoon together until about 4:00. He asked I call later that night after the finale of Sex & The City (of course I had to watch!) :) I called and he asked if I would come over and stay the night - no sex intended, he just wanted to be with me. I declined telling him we had many many more nights ahead to do that and I had an early meeting the next day (aside from that I mentioned it was an "unfortunate time of the month" to be staying over). We hung up and he called right back asking if I was sure? I said I was. He called a third time and I told him he was being a little to intense and that while I really did want to see him and spend time with him I was getting overwhelmed. He was very apologetic and said he understood but that he was just very excited to have met someone like me and really enjoyed being around me. We emailed back and forth the next day (yesterday) and sent textmessages on cell occasionally througout the day. He invited me over last evening. We watched a movie together and spent some time together in his studio. It was a really nice evening and I realized I was beginning to really like this man. This morning however I sent him a text message telling him to have a great day and he simply replied "You too." I heard nothing from him the rest of the day. I sent him a a text this evening telling him "I hope you had a wonderful day at work handsome". I heard nothing back. Before he would reply in seconds. I'm unbelievably confused and don't know what is wrong - if anything. Its so odd to go from talking multiple times a day for the past 2-3 days to almost zero communication today. What is going though his head? HELP!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 12:21am
What's going through his head? Probably not a thing.

It's too soon to worry. Things do come up. Perhaps he was busy with work or maybe his cell died or he accidentally left it somewhere. If you get into the bad habit of questioning every little thing a man does you are asking for nothing but misery and frustration. I realize how exciting things have been and rather intense. I think it was wise to decline his overnight invite and telling him that he was being too intense. Perhaps he was trying to listen to you and isn't coming on so strong now?

At any rate, I wouldn't sweat it quite yet. Give him a couple of days and whatever you do...don't text him or anything over and over again. You text messaged him that one time, so just leave it at that for now.

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 5:04am
Thanks for the advice. Its just so odd to go from talking and being together almost all day for 3 days to flat nothing literally over night. Still nothing by the way - no response all day yesterday and no email this morning.... My emotions say to call and see if he's "alright" but I suppose that would be crowding. I'll just have to wait this one out I suppose...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 8:51am
It may seem odd but it's really more common than you think and it generally doesn't mean a thing. Right now I have a wonderful bf and we are planning on a future together. He is so wonderful and loving. However, when we first began dating he did something similar. We were talking, emailing, and had gone on a couple of dates and suddenly he went from calling me everyday to letting three days go by with nothing! I was beside myself just like you are now. I was so bummed out cuz I thought we had this wonderful connection and I wanted to keep it going like that. Why he suddenly dropped the ball I couldn't figure out. Well, within a week we were back on track and things have had their ups and downs just a little, but overall it's been wonderful. Someday I plan on asking him what happened in those three days after our date. The worst part was, he said he'd call the next day and he said he had a four day weekend and wanted to spend some of it with me. I never heard from him at all! I think he just got caught up in other things and since things were going so well with me (in his mind) he didn't see a need to keep calling everyday. It all turned out just fine.

Hang in there! If you hear nothing after tomorrow (Thursday) then I'd call and just see how he's doing but whatever you do, don't give him the 20 questions or anything. :)

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 9:17am
Hmmm...it sounds to me like you've got one of these scenarios. Either you've bruised his ego by slowing his advances and he's miffed. Or you've got your hands on a hot and cold guy. This is the guy who comes on strong initially, loves the thrill of meeting someone new but then cools off as soon as the reality of a situation sets in. A third possibility, although less likely, is that he's on the rebound. If it's one of the latter, you'd be wasting your time with him if it's a stable relationship you seek. The first case, where you've offended him, you might have some leverage to fix that.

Call him up...don't email...and just ask if he's upset with you about something and that you've noticed a change. Tell him that you want to be sure everything is cool between you. And from there, just see how it plays out. Good luck.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 10:00am
Well I broke down and emailed this morning telling him that I had a client dinner tomorrow, and I knew he had to work Friday night, so would he like to go to dinner tonite. I got the follwing response: "Can't do dinner tonite, I have plans. I'll be gone out of town tomorrow and will get back on Friday just in time to get to work Friday night. Then I'm heading out of town Saturday for the weekend and won't be back until Monday afternoon." Wow way to cover all the bases, pal. I just don't have a clue as to what went downhill when... I usually get it but just have no clue this time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 11:45am
It's important to note that in meeting - nobody "knows" you at a fundamental level. You have no ability to restore his faith in women - for several years of knowing you as a grounded, realistic, successful, value-oriented individual.

Basically, the guy runs on emotional tangents...your attention made him feel so good about himself he couldn't get enough of you - he wanted more and more that "Sex in the City" night - and that should have told you that your needs and your boundaries weren't as important to him as his wants and desires - he wanted to feel great about himself based on your attention - an "ultimate" high is sex. Not saying he wanted "just sex" - just saying he wanted your attention and desire coming at him face-to-face - so that he'll like hiimself just a little bit.

He's finding out that his words and his "sweep ';em off their feet" technique is NOT getting him easy, 24/7, no-restraint access to your attention - and thus his source of "positive feelings about himself" - and he's backing off bcause just as quickly as your attention had him "feeling" you were all that, the one, the greatest...your lack of willingness to participate on his heads first, no holds barred level has him "feeling" that you're not going to give him waht he wants and needs...which is absolutely right - nobody can make him like, accept, respect, and admire himself - but him.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 12:25pm
hi flippy....well personally i'd be turned off to a man claiming i had restored his faith in women on a first date!...i would get a great big red flag about the guy...i'd wonder if he was too needy, or maybe if he was trying to sway me with fancy sweettalk (most men realize lots of women can swoon for flattery)....i'd even suggest maybe just as fast as he felt the "spark" to you he lost it....its my opinion the first dates are a chance for a couple to see if there is a spark to continue dating....its certainly NOT a time i'd want someone to behave impulsive about me...most of us put our best foot forward on a first date, so i'd wonder what is wrong with this man that he could be sooo easily swayed to soo desperately feel i was the woman to restore his faith in woman-kind!?

i don't think its at all wise for anyone to get too intwined in a new romance....it takes time to develop feelings, it takes time to really get to know someone...for me i find it very unattractive to have a man come on as strong as this guy did.

and what about him asking you to spend the nite for your 2nd date???...and why in the world would you reply to him that it was an "unfortunate time of month"????....even if the man said his intentions were not to sleep with you and even if you made it clear to him you were not planning to sleep with a virtual stranger, don't you see the mixed message you gave him by mentioning it was an unfortunate time of the month for sex?

"hitting it off immediately" is a very sweet thing and it sometimes can progress to a very deep and strong romance....but just as often a good first date will fizzle in the days that follow....who knows what this mans intentions were?....could be as simple as he was attempting to sweettalk you into bed (lots of guys know how to do this in a back=handed way as in insisting they do NOT want sex LOL)....he could have met another woman in the days following who caught his attention.

on a last note, i never call men....i just don't think its in a womans best interest to pursue a guy...i really feel the natural way is for the man to be the hunter and the female to be pursued....even when men beg me to call i won't...hey, they know my # right?....and i have a sneaky suspicion some men get red flags from women who call too soon in a romance.

i'd try to learn to slow down and not get caught up in the heat of infatuation the next time you have a good date...and don't go to a mans apartment to watch tv on a 2nd date, thats soo risky! you don't know who the man is at that point no matter how nice guy he is projecting...this man you dated sends chills down my spine actually, i get an uneasy feeling from the situation you described and i feel you are better off letting this go.

just my $.02.

honey