Confused On His Reactions
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Confused On His Reactions
| Tue, 07-31-2007 - 9:35am |
I've been dating my bf for a month now, we are both 25 yrs old. We both were attracted to each other right away when we met at a mutual friends bbq. However, we both agreed that we are nothing alike! We are so opposite and always joke that opposites must attract. We don't have a lot in common and honestly, I'm not even sure why I like him! (but i do...well i think i do, i'm so confused right now) We also agreed that we are both like noone else we've dated before, which i thought "hey maybe something diffeenet will work." What I know I do like about him besides spending time with him, is what we both look for in our future and our ideals of lifestyle and family, which are pretty much the same..so is that what matters most in the long term?
So here's the problems. First is minor (but getting annoying)- he is very concerned about his looks. But he is a very very attractive guy. He works out, keeps clean cut and all that...he's more concerned about his looks than I AM! And he likes or needs to hear words of a approval. He always compliments me...ALL THE TIME! and questions why I don't do it back. I do every so often just not as much...i'm not like that.
Second- He doesn't like talking about the past, which i do, thinking that the past is the past but it makes you who you are today. Also it gives us something to talk about and learn stuff about eachother, how could i bring this up to him?
Third- The MOST annoying thing about him is that he is always overanalyzing EVERYTHING! Everything I say! It causes arguements with us and aggrivates the hell out of me! One month and already arguing? He questions everything, makes big deals out of something so miniscule...and it's breaking me down inside qondering if it will always be like this. He also gets defensive about things I say always thinking there's some hidden meaning behind it, which then causes me to get defensive back because of his annoying reactions everytime. I've brought this all up to him but it just causes more drama.
I keep thinking that something happened to him in the past, like some past girl messed him up and makes him overanalyze things too much. But I afraid to ask because he doesn't like to talk about the past. He made me so happy when we first started...even then I didn't know why, because we are so different, I guess I enjoyed his company and all. But now when he asks "do i make you happy?" I can't even answer straight because of all the BS he puts ontop of our relationship.
He treats me well and honestly and truely cares about me...everything he says to me about us or the future seems very genuine and sincere and actually makes me think of a positive future for us together. From the start he said he sees us going long term and that he's never met anyone like me before. He never talks down to me or anything like that. But I'm afraid these other annoyances will ruin us. What do you think? Should I talk to him about all of this and the affect its having on me? I don't want to hurt him or his feelings, i'm afraid he'll once again read falsely into what i'm trying to say, how would i approach it?...it could be that hes been screwed over in the past and needs more time to trust me. But how will i know if it will ever smooth out? Any thoughts or advice are appreciated. i'm just confused. Could i be right for him but him not right for me? Should i try to make this work in hopes that it will? i don't like giving up easily. Thank you.
So here's the problems. First is minor (but getting annoying)- he is very concerned about his looks. But he is a very very attractive guy. He works out, keeps clean cut and all that...he's more concerned about his looks than I AM! And he likes or needs to hear words of a approval. He always compliments me...ALL THE TIME! and questions why I don't do it back. I do every so often just not as much...i'm not like that.
Second- He doesn't like talking about the past, which i do, thinking that the past is the past but it makes you who you are today. Also it gives us something to talk about and learn stuff about eachother, how could i bring this up to him?
Third- The MOST annoying thing about him is that he is always overanalyzing EVERYTHING! Everything I say! It causes arguements with us and aggrivates the hell out of me! One month and already arguing? He questions everything, makes big deals out of something so miniscule...and it's breaking me down inside qondering if it will always be like this. He also gets defensive about things I say always thinking there's some hidden meaning behind it, which then causes me to get defensive back because of his annoying reactions everytime. I've brought this all up to him but it just causes more drama.
I keep thinking that something happened to him in the past, like some past girl messed him up and makes him overanalyze things too much. But I afraid to ask because he doesn't like to talk about the past. He made me so happy when we first started...even then I didn't know why, because we are so different, I guess I enjoyed his company and all. But now when he asks "do i make you happy?" I can't even answer straight because of all the BS he puts ontop of our relationship.
He treats me well and honestly and truely cares about me...everything he says to me about us or the future seems very genuine and sincere and actually makes me think of a positive future for us together. From the start he said he sees us going long term and that he's never met anyone like me before. He never talks down to me or anything like that. But I'm afraid these other annoyances will ruin us. What do you think? Should I talk to him about all of this and the affect its having on me? I don't want to hurt him or his feelings, i'm afraid he'll once again read falsely into what i'm trying to say, how would i approach it?...it could be that hes been screwed over in the past and needs more time to trust me. But how will i know if it will ever smooth out? Any thoughts or advice are appreciated. i'm just confused. Could i be right for him but him not right for me? Should i try to make this work in hopes that it will? i don't like giving up easily. Thank you.

You've only been dating a month and already you've discovered that you're not compatible...
If you guys are arguing and getting annoyed with one another at this stage then there really isn't any hope for your relationship. You might like him but it sounds like you might need someone even slightly more similar to yourself for it to work out. He could be a good friend but I sincerely doubt that you two will end up together in spite of all the negativity thus far.
Welcome to the board snakegoddess,
I gotta say I totally agree with
thank you both for your thoughts. i think what you said was what i was already thinking...but afraid to think of. you know how sometimes you just wish that this one was the one. and my friend had discussed with me already the Five Love Languages from a book she had read before i met this guy. so i had a heads up already and thought it was really funny how true it was! anyways. thanks again!
now if i only knew how to approach him on this if and when i get the guts to end it. he really likes me...ive never had to do this before.