Confused-Men, Ladies am I being selfish?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Confused-Men, Ladies am I being selfish?
5
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 8:41am
Here's the situation:

About a week or so ago, I called this guy I like, left a message and he didn't call back. Later that week, I still hadn't heard from him and sent a not so happy txt message to him. He responded by saying he was having a hectic week. So days go by and I still didn't here from him so he got another not so happy txt message. It was then that he told me his stepdad is in the hospital and his mom is all stressed so he's been having a lot on his mind. I explained how if he would have just come out and said that from the beginning, my reactions would have obviously been different.

Now knowing the situation, I called him maybe 1 or 2 days later and couldn't reach him. He sent a txt msg saying he apologizes for not being available, he's been doing stuff for his mom and frequently going to the hospital. It's been almost 2 wks since I talked to him and I totally understand his situation. Bu on one end I feel selfish because I WANT to call and talk to him and on the other end I feel "not right" because I feel like I NEED to call and talk to him while he's going through this. I don't want to keep trying to get in touch with him, but then I do...I'm so confused as to what I should do.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 10:03am

Let go. It never works to chase someone. He is being polite in his answers to you, but if he wanted to "go through this with you", or even commuincate with you at all, he would. If someone isn't answering or contacting you, that itself is a message. It simply means he doesn't want to. The more you chase him, the worse you will feel. Just let this go. If a guy wants to be with you, talk to you and spend time with you, believe me, he will find a way to do so.


All good wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 10:54am
Sending a not-so-nice message is never o.k. Why would he want to date you if you do that after a couple of days without hearing from him and you don't even know him that well. Then you send another not nice message after you know what he is going through? Are you even close enough that he should lean on you when he is going through a family issue like this?

He is busy and stressed. Leave him alone. Maybe you will learn a lesson from this.


Edited 3/4/2004 10:57:46 AM ET by ciao_gina

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 12:24pm
Ok let me add more info.

I know him well, for 6 years and yes I do know his family. He is and never has been an open person. So sending "not so nice" messages to him when I'm upset is fine with me and him. He actually tells me to do it when he messes up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 12:59pm
I agree with drshoshanna. You say he's never been an open person and that text messaging him when you feel he needs to be talking to you is fine....hmmm, maybe this time he feels he can't meet the demands of his mom and yours too.

I say give him some space. He has to WANT to share with you and be open with you. Or you will always be the one putting in the effort to get the relationship back on track.

My best to you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 1:26pm
Yeah that's what I'm going to do, just give him the space, he has a lot that he's going through right now w/his folks...it's not an easy thing to do. Like I said, he's not someone I just met, someone I have deep feelings for. We talked frequently up until this past week or so, then this happens.