confused- need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2003
confused- need help
5
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 10:22am
Ok, I'm a little confused and would like other peoples' opinions. I was dating this guy for about a month and a half (after Being friends and wanting him for about 2 years). Everything was wonderful...we spent a lot of time together, he was telling me he saw something in the future for us. I really felt a connection with him that I've never felt before. However, when we started dating, he had just broken up with his girlfriend that he had been dating for over a year. Suddenly about a week and a half ago, he told me that he couldn't do this anymore....that he was so happy when he was with me, but he still had feelings for her that he couldn't get rid of. He was crying...bawling his eyes out, as was I. I was really devastated because I have liked him for so long and then was so happy to finally have him in my life romantically. Then a few days later he told me that he had made a huge mistake and that he realized he didn't have any feelings left for her, that it was me he really wanted. He apologized profusely, brought me roses. I took him back because I really felt like he was sincere. The next day his brother told my roommate that his ex g.f. stayed over his house the whole time we were broken up and that they looked so happy together. And he didn't end things with her until the day after he and I got back together. I confronted him about it and he told me that he did see her, but that he wasn't back together with her while we were broken up. He said he was miserable the whole time we were apart and basically, he was afraid of starting a new relationship and was going to try to go back to her cause it was comfortable. I really want to believe him, but i don't see why his brother (who has also been a casual friend of mine for a couple of years) would say this because i don't see how it would benefit him to lie about it. I'm still back together with him because i don't think i could bear to end things with him. Although I am kind of keeping myself on guard a little. I guess i'm just looking to hear what other people think of the situation. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 12:21pm

This may hurt a little, but it sounds like he is just keeping you untill his ex comes back to her senses...the second he thought things werent going to work out with her, he tried to get you back and it worked...


No one just shuts off feelings for anyone that quick, so I would suggest taking some time apart to let him heal from whatever, and let him figure out what he really wants.


**marsexpert**
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 12:43pm
Sounds to me like he is confused, and afraid to let you or his old gf go because he doesn't want to be alone. I think he should take a time out and evaluate his feelings for you and his old gf. He's not being fair to you. I'd tell him to take 30 days and figure it out. And if within the 30 day period he sees his ex, well then, you have your answer. I know it's easier said than done. Good luck...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 12:47pm
She stayed with him, they looked happy, he was seeing you, broke up, god knows what he did or talked about with her, came back to you - right?

Hon, he jumped from one relationship to the next without being healed, without being over her, couldn't stand to be alone and isn't really sure what he wants because he doesn't know himself very well.

Sorry you have to experience this. Usually after a break up, the first person (you) that gets involved with the person just out of a relationship (him) is a transitional relationship (yours and his) you help him through the hard parts of the break up, he gets comfort from you, love, sex, attention, all the while still healing and grieving over what he lost, and that's only if he's still not hoping she'll come back to him.

What do you want? Do you always want to wonder?


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2003
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 1:44pm
Thanks for all of your thoughts. However, he broke up with her because he was unhappy and didn't see the relationship going anywhere. I should have mentioned that the first time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 1:57pm
This is exactly why you should stay away from men on the rebound. He isn't over her, the relationship or the breakup even if he instigated it. He is confused. If I were you I would walk away for a while and give him time to figure out what he wants. He isn't doing you or himself any good by jumping into a relationship with you.The next time he freaks out you will be kicking yourself.