Confused by reaction to strippers

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
Confused by reaction to strippers
4
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 4:33pm
My bf and I have been together 2 1/2 years and are very close and honest about everything. We tell each other everything and basically do everything together, including live,watch porn, look at "dirty" magazines, etc. I am not bothered by him looking at porn or masturbating. I told him it would bother me if he went to a strip club without me, but I would be okay with it if he told me about it and was honest. I came back home from vacation with my family and found matches from a strip club. He admitted to it but said he wouldn't have told me unless I'd asked. I was really, really hurt and felt betrayed by him, I still can't believe he went behind my back and deceived me. A few weeks later, his friend all went out of town for the night for a friends bachelor party. I told him it would really hurt my feelings if he went into the strip club again but that he could make his own decisions. I just still felt hurt from last time and the fact that he was hiding it from me made me feel uncomfortable. Well, he went into the club anyways and now I feel hurt and like he thinks my feelings are not important. I refuse to do anything "to get him back", I just want him to understand that he chose to hurt me twice now and I don't think that is something I should have to worry about. My trust in him is definately suffering. BTW, he is planning to propose to me soon! Guys/Girls advice and or comments, please!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 4:43pm
Hi,

Well I don't think there is anything wrong with him going to a strip club for a bachelors party BUT there is definetely something wrong with him not taking into consideration your feelings. You need to sit with him and tell him how you feel if him going to a strip club without you is something that you will not live with then tell him. Give him an ultimatum. I'm sure once he realizes how much it means to you he will agree. Just be firm in your decision. Anyways there is no reason for him to have a problem with only going with you and if he does then he is there for the wrong reasons.Good luck keep us posted. Jessica
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 5:35pm
My husband knows how I feel about strip clubs . Ive told him that I will not accept that behavior. I do not treat him like a child or make rules for him. He knows my feelings on the issue. And you know what? He doesnt go. Thats because he respects me, my beliefs and our marriage. If you have told your bf how you feel about this issue and made it clear you do not want him there then he should respect that. I think you can take his actions as an indication of his level of respect for you. However, your NOT making it clear. You told him you dont want him to go but if he told you about it first it would be ok. What is that about? Either you accept it or you dont. By saying what you did your still oking it. Stick to one side or the other. And if he still doest take your feelings into consideration then I think you need to ask yourself if this is the type of person you want to be with...someone who knowingly goes behind your back and does things that you have expressed discomfort with.What else might he be doing behind your back?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 5:47pm
Looking at porn and going to strip clubs are also very expensive.

He sounds like a very horny man to me. If he masturbates and has sex with you, that's a lot of sex.

Honey, I don't think he is going to listen to you, his mind seems to be focused on sex all the time.

He may not be your kind of guy. If you love him and want to stay with him, you might have to take him as he is. good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 8:51pm
I think it's troubling that your boyfriend obviously knows you are hurt by his going to strip clubs, and yet he has gone twice anyway. You DO need to state clearly that you do NOT want him to go. If you don't want him to go, you don't. You don't need to rationalize it by saying "it's okay if we go together," or "I don't want you to go but make your own decisions." You don't want him to go, and that's your right! I wouldn't want my significant other to go either, and it would bother me if I had a significant other who went ahead and did something he knew was hurting me. That sounds like he's putting himself before the relationship. Ask yourself if you want to be with this kind of person long-term.

Good luck!

toriphile322