confused on relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
confused on relationship
3
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 9:27pm

Hi everyone!
I was debating wheather to bore you with my situation, but I just would like some solid advice and genuine honesty.

Let me try to explain my situation a bit.. My friend and I have been seeing each other off and on (mostly on) for almost 3 years. We've been through a lot and have sustained a caring friendship that we both cherish. We both love each other very much. I am very confused on this relationship. I would like it to be more serious, and he's trying to improve his life, which I totally respect. He wants to be happy with himself before he can build happiness with someone. He has told me numerous times that he doesn't want to get married again. Which I want to build a life together with someone and eventually have more kids. I don't understand dating someone for 3 years and not want to be more serious. I asked him yesterday where is this relationship going and he responded he didn't know. I asked him what his goals are for us and he responded with he didn't have any and hasn't thought of any. I have tried on a couple of occasions to be just friends, but it is so hard to let each other go like that.. We find comfort in each other. He's even said that we're comfortable.

I told him I would sacrifice my wants of getting married and having more kids and just be exclusive with each other and live together. He said "but that's not what you want".. I said I will be willing to.
He doesn't want to live together, he said I"m not argumentive, but I'm prone to them. Which yes I admit I am. I don't want to pressure him anymore, but I like to think about my future. I am 31 and I think I have a right to know where my future stands.
I don't know what to do......oh and we pinky promised (I know we're adults, but it was cute) to be friends no matter what happens but it is soo hard to be friends after being in a relationship for 3 years. We also work together..

Gina
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 1:40pm

Welcome to the board skittlesrock,


You are willing to forego marriage and more kids to get this guy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 2:54pm

I've been there and I know how painful it is!!!

 

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 3:29pm

You're wasting your time with this person. He has told you in many ways and it seems also many times that he's not interested in settling down with you...not even in living together after you offered to give up your deepest dreams and desires. The real question here is, why in the world are you still with him? You must learn to respect yourself and to understand that you have every right to have a marriage and more children if that is important to you. There are many men who would be delighted to be with you and to give you what you want.


It's important to really listen to what this guy is telling you, to pay attention and believe him. Don't get lost in fantasy and think he will change with time. He won't. He is who he is. He's not looking for anything more than whatever it is you have going on now.


Even though it might be difficult, you'll feel so much better if you get your strength together, let this go and find someone who can fulfill your absolutely natural and normal dreams.


Best wishes,