Confused... stuck...
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Confused... stuck...
| Mon, 05-05-2008 - 3:45pm |
Hey All-
Forgive me if this post comes across as scattered or confusing - it's just that I'm unsure myself how I feel about the situation I currently find myself in. Hopefully, with some different perspectives/advice, I will find a little more insight.
I have been with my fiance (on and off, but solidly on given we're engaged) now for a year+, and we

I guess I don't understand how your relationship can be "solidly" on-and-off just because you are engaged? Engagement means you have a stable relationship and a wedding date... I don't really get that.
A year is not very long to have dated someone before becoming engaged, perhaps you are just now learning your true relationship dynamic? I understand your confusion. But, if you two want to continue toward marriage then pulling away is not the answer to get back on track, you should both be trying to do more together - not less. He sounds as though living together even for such a short amount of time has made him complacent. If you are feeling this way, it's important to recognize that once you are married your "living together" dynamic will be what it is for the rest of your lives. That's why living together can be tough. You have to continually put in effort to do things together and keep your relationship exciting. Before you put a deposit down on a venue, I would have a frank talk with him and seek premarital counseling for a few sessions just to air your grievances and see if you can come to an understanding. It wouldn't be right to continue with this if you are feeling the way you do. Best of luck to you both.
Welcome to the board silversparkle477,
Could he be feeling you two are in a rut, but not expressing it?
You've spoken to him about things, but the issue obviously has not been resolved. That means you have to continue addressing the issue until it is. You can't just ignore it. Otherwise, it WILL keep bothering you and lead to more problems in the relationship down the line.
I think you want to hear that you are just over-worrying and everything will be okay. You are having these feelings for a reason though. This IS a real concern for you, even if you wish it wasn't. You shouldn't try to deny those feelings. Until the problem is solved, the feelings are going to reside there lurking under the surface. It's much better to confront these problems and deal with them now rather than later.
If you aren't able to discuss these types of issues with him without the two of you breaking up, then maybe this is not the right relationship for you. Marriage is not a substitute for a stable relationship with good communication. If you can't communicate well and work through your problems, or if you can't stay together after you have a fight, then getting married is not going to save your relationship. All it will do is give you even more of a headache to deal with when the relationship breaks up for good.