Confused....I have a bf problem

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Confused....I have a bf problem
5
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 4:44pm
Hi Everyone!

This is my first post to this board, but I've posted this issue on another board. Here's my issue:

My bf and I have been seeing each other and talking since the middle of January. I wanted to begin introducing him to my family, but after this, I'm not sure I want to. Anyhow, I happened to call him a wk. and a half ago, and I hear this girl in the background. He said that she was his gf. So then I procced to ask what's going on because we've been together for over a month.

So then I went to Florida for spring break (now I don't want to leave because it's supposed to snow when I go home tomorrow), and all of a sudden I get a phone call from her saying to leave them alone and to find another man. She called me twice and pretty much harassed me. Now this is where I'm confused. I think he has been seeing me behind her back and it's just now coming to light. I'd also like to know how she got my number because he wouldn't give my number out at random.

Now I'm stuck between letting him go and letting him explain his actions. It took me 7 yrs. to find someone I thought was halfway decent and it turned out to be just the opposite. (Keep in mind that he said he doesn't like getting hurt, but at the same time he's hurting me. Very contradictory.) At 21 I didn't think I would have to be faced with a situation like this. I don't want to deal with it any more, so what should I do? Should I tell him she's got to go or should I go splitsville and move on with my life? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Steph :)




iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 5:14pm
He said it all: She is my girlfriend.

Don't see him, don't listen to him, don't give him the time of day. He wasn't honest and upfront with you from the beginning. Can you say CHEATER!?!?

In addition, don't fall into the trap of being the other woman.... you can't love him enough, make him feel enough for you to make him pick you. Even if he's lining up you before he dumps her, how long before he goes looking for the next girl to replace you?

RUN!


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 5:44pm
why settle for someone who doesn't even know if he wants you or his old gf? like he said he's still with her, so there you go. you are better than this. if you are still not satisfied with just moving on without hearing a word from him, ask him what the heck is going on and maybe you should get a closure. but then again, who knows he won't be trying to trick you by telling you lies for the 2nd time?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 5:57pm
Perhaps you rushed too quickly to label him as your boyfriend and assumed exclusivity from day one. He may have been dating her at the same time as you and made the decision to become exclusive with her during that time. Regardless, its time for you to move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 9:47pm
Actually he asked me to be his gf about 2 weeks after we started talking. Perhaps that could also be part of the problem. Stupid me (as I see now) shouldn't have agreed at that time. But anyhow, whether or not I see or talk to him again, I'm done with dating for now...at least until I'm done with school, which won't be for a little while. It'll save me from having to deal with the same thing again until I'm finished.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 7:33am
hi there...this is from 'hurt and confused'...thanks for your message..yes i did read what you had to go through...we're the same age and im a student as well...i guess the best thing to do is also the hardest thing but i shall try..right from this moment! all the best to you too...

love,

janice