Confused,upset,sad,down. He's gone Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2004
Confused,upset,sad,down. He's gone Help
4
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 5:53pm
I was in a relationship with this Great guy for 8 months! He was the best i have ever came in contact with. He wasnt the frat boy that i was so accustomed to dating. He was just plain different. He had his life together. He had no drama,kids etc.... He has a great paying job, his own place, and he's dam good looking with a great physique.He tought me how to ride a motorcycle, he got me into personal training. He gave me massages almost every single night. He held me with his muscular arms when we slept together. He would kiss and adore my whole body. The most affectionate guy i have ever met, and now, he is gone. He made me insecure because of his looks. I always felt that he was prospecting, even though he always reassured me he wasnt, and spent a ton of time with me when available. I have been cheated on many times in the past. I have cheated on every guy i have been with, and thats terrible. I dont know what guy will accept my behavior. He had the player type aura. Everyone knows him. If he would talk to another girl in the gym, i would get jelous and crazy about it.

This guy was the best sex i ever had. He just loved to eat me out, and wanted nothing in return, unless i wanted too, but he didnt beg. He knows how to lay the pipe well! He was just an awesome guy all around. It was just difficult for me to trust him, because of his looks, thinking he could do better. That just drove me crazy.

We would get into little arguments during out time together. He would just completely ignore me after a fight. No calls, no contact nothing. I had to crawl back to him each time, and that made me more insecure.Our fights were due to my lack of communication. I have a guy friend who is my best friend in the whole wide world. If im with him, and my x calls, i dont answer the phone, because my best friend would get upset about it. My x thought i was ignoring him, which would always lead to a fight, and him drilling me about the lack of communication.My x always wanted to meet my best friend, but i dont think that would be a good idea, since my best friend doesnt like him.

About 4 months ago, my x seen me and another guy friend of mine in my car point blank. He was driving, i was in the passenger seat. I felt so bad, and knew my x seen me, and knew i would get drilled with questions. After the x seen me, i got the phone call 1hr later. I didnt answer my cell, but he left a message saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" And he hung up. I havent heard from him since. I didnt answer the phone nor return his call, because i didnt want to hear it. Now i feel bad about it

I stopped going to the gym for a month after the incident, and still no contact. I recently started going again, and i see him all the time working out. The first day back, i tried to get close to him, and tried to make eye contact, but he just completely ignored me. NOTHING. I felt so bad. After this, i went into a complete ignore mode with him too,and have done it since, hoping he would come back to me. Im flirting with other guys in the gym in his presence, but still nothing. Im hiding the fact, im upset and have tried to keep myself busy, but i cant stop thinking about him. He treated me so well. I want him back, but i dont know what to do. I dont want to go to his place, in fear, he may have another girl there. I know he wont answer his phone if i call, so im confused and clueless. I want to speak to him, but i know he will just act like he doesnt care, and its my fault. I want some type of closure with him, but he acts like he doesnt care. This was all bad timing, and i wish it would of worked out


HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2004
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 7:10pm
The fact that you had to crawl back everytime suggests that he is menipulative and I can tell you those are the worst relationships to be in... He might have been the guys of your dreams in every way, but if all he does is play mind games do you really want that?!? The fact he won't hear you out also suggests, and I hate to say this, that he just wanted to bang you. I'm probably wrong, but just take a step back and look at it from an outsiders veiw.... That's what always helps me... Have you tried talking to him when you see him at the gym?!? Another thing you could do is write him a letter telling him how you feel and what was really going on and just walk up and give it to him, because if he wants to try to work things out or at least read your letter the ball is in his court then:) Hope it helps!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2004
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 7:52pm
Well no, i dont try and talk to him at the gym. I dont know how to approach him. Im trying to get him to approach me, acting like he does - ignoring and not caring
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 8:19pm
From reading your story I would say you had way too much, too fast, too soon, too much drama over nothing and not a real relationship based on trust and friendship. Men who come on too strong like that and act like that are manipulative and controlling because they are insecure.

Never mind the sex. That is not a good predictor of something to last.

You cannot control what he does - only what you do. And you must choose to move on because his behavior is detrimental to your well being.

Forget about this guy and the gym - take a chill pill and do not go near him - you only feed the fire and make it hard on yourself to get over him. It is easier to find a new gym. In the mean time, take time to reflect on what you would do differently the next time. You attract a mirror of yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2004
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 9:28pm
No. He is not insecure at all. Someone who doesnt care is not insecure.