Congrats!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Congrats!
4
Thu, 01-10-2008 - 1:00pm

I am looking for some opinions regarding communication with the opposite sex while married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: grainofsalt
Thu, 01-10-2008 - 1:25pm

Welcome to the board grainofsalt,


I would not be happy at all if my husband went out after work without telling me he was doing it first. I have no

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
In reply to: grainofsalt
Thu, 01-10-2008 - 2:18pm

I would like to start off by saying that I'm sorry that you are going through this. It sounds like a very tough situation. ((((hugs)))))


My SO had an affair on me once. It was

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: grainofsalt
Thu, 01-10-2008 - 6:53pm

In every marriage there are boundaries that cannot and should not be violated. Without that, trust is impossible. It sounds as though your husband has certainly crossed this one, not once but many times, in many ways. The fact that you nag or bother him in other ways, is absolutely no excuse for this kind of behavior. Problems that arise in a marriage need to be talked about, worked through, and understood. To act as though he were single, communicate with other women, have an affair, etc., is not only disrespectful, but absuive towards. So is the drinking and cursing.


So, I ask you, what are you doing there? Why do you stay in this situation? I know there is a child involved, but unless your husband can be trusted, unless he truly agrees to go get therapy and work his difficulties out and not blame you for them, this situation is unhealthy for you. If he will not go for counseling with you, I strongly urge you to go get help yourself. Get a good therapist and join a support group for women who are involved in situations such as yours. You must learn to respect yourself, build your own self esteem, and when you do, you will no longer accept this kind of behavior from anyone else.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: grainofsalt
Thu, 01-10-2008 - 10:22pm
I'm only going to make one point. Your husband is teaching your son how to be a man; a man drinks too much, argues with wife, sees other women, swears at wife and has no respect for her. He is teaching his son that's how to be a man, and how to treat a woman. You are teaching your son that women are supposed to tolerate this treatment. She can nag and complain, but she should stay, argue, snoop, and be distrustful. Neither of you are benefitting your son by staying in a marriage under these circumstances and behavior.