Is is considered a lie?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2007
Is is considered a lie?
5
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 3:39pm
Hello,
I'm 23 and engaged to a man a bit older than me. The problem is that he took a vacation to aruba in april and I didn't go. Instead he took his adult daughter and his small son. First off , I was terribly upset I had to stay behind. I had to stay because we are not yet married and the courts consider a vacation is cohabitating which could be used against him.His daughter does not like me either. I also had to manage and make deposits for his (our) small businesses. I made a huge ordeal about the fact I had to stay- I felt I deserved to be with him and his son (rather his daughter). We argued he apologized and I made peace with it. But recently, I discovered his daughter brought a friend with her and this freind of hers happens to be in her late thirties. He says he didn't tell me because he knew I would overreact. He says it wasn't like they all spent time together his daughter just wanted somebody there that could keep her comapny. He says that his daughter asked if she could bring a friend and he agreed as long as they could pay their own way. He says he doesn't have any interest in this woman. Which I believe. But what makes me upset is him not telling me. I had a right to know.
Added to these problems we have many others When we get into arguments they become fits of his anger and my desperation. I try to approach problems differently but nothing works. He refuses to talk about certain things. I can never get what I want when it comes to argumants. I just want comfort and understanding along with his deep concern and apologies. I never get this I only get anger and resentment. We are supposed to be getting married. We both know we have problems. Is there any options for us?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 3:46pm

Welcome to the board angeiaka,


::Added to these problems we have many others When we get into arguments they become fits of his anger and my desperation.


Consider talking to him about pre-martial counseling, it's a necessity at this point.




iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 5:29pm

Welcome to the board angeiaka,


It wasn't as much as a lie as it was an omission. I agree with Carrie about the premartial counseling, and would like to add the sooner the better.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 5:36pm

"He refuses to talk about certain things. I can never get what I want when it comes to argumants. I just want comfort and understanding along with his deep concern and apologies. I never get this I only get anger and resentment. We are supposed to be getting married. We both know we have problems."


This is who he is.

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 6:18pm

I've got to be honest, I'm not a believer in marriage counselling for people who are not yet married. I firmly believe that if a dating relationship is so broken that it requires marriage counselling, then a marriage should not happen. I think you should simply leave and find someone who suits your needs better.

That aside, I don't understand his reasoning for you not being able to go with him on holidays. (I'm not American, so perhaps this explains my ignorance?) Why would co-habiting be considered against him in a court? Lots of people live together and holiday together before marriage.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 8:27pm

Deception is deception whether it is an outright lie or a lie of omission. Also, I have never heard of a vacation being considered cohabitation and what difference would it make anyway if he's divorced? It all sounds like crap to me. Of course you're upset that you were left behind while his daughter brought along another woman.

You have issues and I agree with the person who said if you have to go to counseling BEFORE you get married you have problems that should take the idea of marriage out of the picture. You are 23 years old why in the hell do you want to marry into all that baggage?