Constant Arguements

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2007
Constant Arguements
4
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 3:58pm

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. Out of those 3 years, he has worked a total alotted time of maybe 6 months. I'm so tired of not being able to be treated like a girlfriend should. He's 21 and not working, not going to school, and living at his parent's house while smoking pot all day with his friend (who lives with him). He'll make some attempts at actually looking for a job, but it's usually for a few days or a week. We fight all the time. We used to get into really intense arguements over him doing nothing with his life, but I've learned to be nice and just not say anything about that anymore, and I haven't for 2 months. Now, we fight everyday, several times a day about every little thing. He just gets so out of hand and thinks everyone is trying to tell him his opinion is wrong and he just gets so arrogant and stubburn when you're trying to tell him that you're not trying to criticize him.

I don't know what to do anymore with him! I'm so tired of all the stupid arguements and his childest lifestyle! Any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 4:14pm

Welcome to the board poetictemptress,


Well, for me the pot smoking would be a deal breaker. I had an ex I was with for 4 years and he never worked the entire time we were together because either I or his mom took care of all his bills. Your bf sounds similar. I am willing to bet he won't get a job and grow up and be responsible for himself until he is really forced to. You just have decide how long you are willing to wait him for to change because you can't make him change. He is only going to when he is ready.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 4:26pm

Welcome to the board poetictemptress -


Sounds like the dynamics of your relationship is that of Parent-Child instead of Adult-Adult, there are some good books on this subject that might help you take a step back and change the way you 'react' to the situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 4:27pm
What benefit do you gain from this relationship? It sounds to me as if you could find a better boyfriend by picking a name at random from the phone book. Why don't you say good bye, and move on with your life? There are lots of great guys out there who'd love to meet you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2007
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 4:57pm
Thank you for your comment, I'm going to see if I can find any of those books and those rules for arguement have made me think, and I'm going to try to follow them. Thanks again.