Contact after months of NC??

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2006
Contact after months of NC??
1
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 1:04pm

Sorry for the long post, but this situation is a bit hard to explain.

I often travel between Europe and the US, and met this amazing guy in NYC. We met in January and had 3 very intense weeks before I left. I'm not one to rush into love, and I very rarely meet someone I really like. However, I decided to keep in touch with this guy - anything else felt crazy. We wrote and called each other often until I came back to NYC 6 weeks after and we spent 2 weeks together, staying at each others homes, getting very close. I knew when I left that I'd be moving to NYC for good 3-4 months after. When I left he told me that the time we spend together is really special, and made me promise a million times that I'd write him all the time, that I wouldn't forget him, and that he would miss me, write me, see me when I came back. I left absolutely certain, with a strong gut feeling that this was good, that my feelings were reciprocated, that we had something special.

The first 4 weeks things went really well, and we spoke on the phone and emailed almost every day. Then I didn't hear from him so much, I knew his exams were coming up, but I got this feeling that something was not right, and a long story short - I broke it off, and then he wrote me that he felt it difficult to feel attached to someone when he doesn't see them, that he needed his space, and that even though he felt that the time we spent together was really special and that I am a really special girl, he hadn't thought so much about me since I had left. This from a guy who 2 weeks earlier had written me every day about how much he missed me, how he reread all my emails and how thinking about me made him go crazy, how strange it felt that I was no longer in NYC. Who called me in the middle of the night to hear my voice and to tell me how much he missed me.

We had a rather stupid and confused IM-conversation right afterwards, which didn't clarify anything. I was very confused and extremely hurt - I knew/know that I had not been wrong about him and his feelings when I left NYC a month earlier, and now this?? Normally my instincts never fail me.

After that I deleted him from my IM, phone, address book etc. I could see that he had tried to contact me after I had deleted him. Then he wrote me again on Skype 10 days later, but I was at work, and didn't want to discuss things there and then, so I just played cool and after a few "how are you, i'm fine" comments, I told him I had to go. He then wrote baci (kisses in italian). He is Italian and I know that baci is a standard greeting among friends in Italy, but he never uses this unless he wanted it to mean kisses in a romantic sense. Since then I haven't heard from him. Now a month has passed and I haven't contacted him or heard anything from him, which I think is so strange. At the same time, I feel that this can't be sorted out unless we can talk face to face. I have tried to forget him but somehow I can't... there is something about him, that makes me think that I need to give this another chance - something I normally never do in case of a breakup. After some thinking about this, I feel that the distance became too much - for both of us to be honest. Receiving emails when all you want is to be next to him is like reading cookbooks when you're hungry....

Now I'm about to move to New York and I would like to contact him. To be honest, I want him back... What do you think about this situation, and do you have any advice on how I can contact him without coming off as weird or desperate? Is it okay to contact an ex after 2-3 months of absolutely no contact?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 2:30pm

Welcome to the board ida,


You are in a difficult position.