Contact him or wait?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Contact him or wait?
Fri, 11-08-2013 - 10:25am
I have been dating a guy for about 2 months. He asked me to date exlusive with him and he said I love you first. We seemed to be doing well until this week. He hasn't been calling and texting as much when we first got together. No more good morning messages or calls. I usually text him in the middle of the day to say I hope he has a good day and so forth. He normally doesn't answer and calls me after he gets off work. Regardless though, texts and calls are not as frequent. Earlier this week I go swamped at work and went to do something immediatly after work so I didn't get a chance to text him or call him. He texted me on his lunch and called me after work. He said his phone was dieing and he would call me when he got home. He ended up texting me and we talked for a bit through text. Somehow there was a misunderstanding and he left in the middle of the conversation. I apologized for whatever it was that I did and left him be. I texted him midday yesterday like I normally would and got no response as usual. No big deal. Just went about my day. He forwarded me some jobs for my sister, like he has been for the last couple of weeks but no answer to the text. At the normal time he would call me when he got off work, the phone rings but it appears he butt dialed me. I texted him back saying I noticed he had called and that I didn't want to bug him because I know he was going to see his daughters and call me or text me if he wanted and that I loved him. 2 hours after I sent the last text, he texted me that he was home and that he loved me too. I didn't respond because I was asleep. I don't know if I should take a step back because that appears to be what he's doing or should I shoot him a text like normal? I feel like he is withdrawing a little but not so much he has completely stopped contact. I am used to talking to him everyday. Could it be that relationship is just evolving and he feels comfortable and isn't putting forth as much work and if that's the case what should I do? Sorry for this entry being so long but some advice on what I should do would be great! Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Fri, 11-08-2013 - 10:08pm

A guy's way of courting is always stronger at the beginning, but a man who loves you should at least want to have a minimum of one phone conversation with you per day. Since this has only briefly been going on, I would make no more effort than he does to see what happens. Let him be the first to text. Let him be the first to call. Only reply to his efforts but don't initiate communication yourself. You need to guage how much interest he's retaining in you. See how often he asks you to get together. If things seem great when you get together, and you don't sense anything wrong, tell him that you miss his nightly calls and that you'd like to speak on the phone with him at least once a day since you love hearing about his day and listening to his voice. Keep the request positive, but you are exclusive with him so you have a right to express your needs.

If his communication lessens and he asks to get together less often, then you have the right to ask him what's going on, and do it in person. As for me, if I'm in an exclusive relationship with someone, I expect a daily phone call and that we would get together once or twice a week at the two month mark. If I wasn't getting this from a man, then I'd communicate my needs, and if he didn't comply, then I'd chalk it up to us not being compatible or that the guy was ready to move and was too cowardly to break it off. Some guys prefer to act like jerks so the woman will break up with him instead of dealing with the woman crying, etc. if he were to break up with her first. Try doing what I've listed above and see how it goes. Let us know what happens. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 11-09-2013 - 5:59am

When a man moves fast in the beginning, he's the one who will change his mind after a while.  You've only been with him for 2 months, and you don't even know each other yet.  And texting is NOT talking to each other.  If I were in your situation, I wouldn't initiate anything at all with him.  If he's interested, he'll act on that.  If not, he'll do nothing.  Usually they start backing off around the 6 month mark.......he seems to be doing it sooner.  If you're not sure about what's going on, then it's time to talk to him face to face, NOT texting.......and ask him what's going on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Sat, 11-09-2013 - 11:49am

"Could it be that relationship is just evolving and he feels comfortable and isn't putting forth as much work?"  Why not ask him?  You don't have to beat him over the head to ascertain the depth of his feelings.  What's the downside in asking him?

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 11-10-2013 - 1:23pm

  It could be he does not require constant communication.  I am one who does not need to hear from someone every day I find it annoying.  You may expect a daily call/text but does he?   I am sure he each person has their own threshold of comfort.  This is something the think through.  Is it because you think this is how it is supposed to be?  Also age has a lot to do with it as well as personalities.  Yes as your post mentioned you did not respond because you were asleep.  These are normal occurrences.  he may be doing a activity that does not warrant disturbance.  I thought of the commercial where they guy was playing a video game and had forgot to pick up his GF's family at the airport because he is playing the game.

     Cut yourself and him some slack.  It will go better when time has passed and understanding his timing of things and what you really need.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Mon, 11-11-2013 - 11:12pm

 Right now you aren't positive what's going on - it doesn't sound good, but you can't read his mind, either - has he said a thing about the slowdown in contact?  For him to ask to be exclusive and actually use the L word and then confusion?  I'm old enough that nowdays I'm pretty direct - if something's iffy, I just ASK.  Good relationships can handle that.