coping with depression

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
coping with depression
2
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 1:20am
Hi all

I need some advice

I have been in a relationship with someone who is suffering depression. She tried to overdose in January this year, and is continuingly plagued by low self esteem / wanting to please type ting. I am finding that we are arguing more and more, because its becoming more and more her way or no way, and when i try to voice a concern, she inteprets it as criticism of her..... she gets very very defensive, and feels like she needs to be mean back to me even if i say nothing, because she felt threatened...

So many people have told me it isnt going to work. that i have to walk away... i am beginning to agree!!!

can anyone give me any suggestions as to how to make this work - aside from infinite patience?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 9:16am
(Boy, am I one to give advice considering my post on the other board - lol)


Is she on medication?


Is she in therapy?

How long have you two been together?


Are you willing to go to therapy with her?


To be honest with you it sounds like you have a few choices here. You can cut your losses and walk away.

You can go to couples therapy or individual therapy whatever works.

Or you can spend forever having to constrantly bit your tounge, reassure her and walk on egg shells.

Honestly, she needs therapy seperately from your relationship. She also may never be any different.

Think about what YOU want out of life. You deserve a partner who is emotionally supportive and makes you feel loved and wanted.

PlayNICE

 

I am co cl for "Ask Dr. Ruth" board. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 10:31am

how exactly is "infinite patience" going to help either of you? this is not and can never be a "normal" relationship. your entire life will always revolve around HER and her issues - everything will be tested against how SHE is feeling on any (and every) given moment. this means - running the house, taking care of the kids, money issues - it will all be on your shoulders and you will constantly have to be "proving' your love and dedication to her. your sex life will probably be non existant, or it will flucuate according to her moods. no matter what you do or try to do - it will never be enuf.


how do i know? because i am currently in the process of getting divorced frm a depressed man, and i tried for many years to help him, to make the marriage work, etc but the problem is that ONE person cannot do everything. its nobody's fault tht they are like this - but it is their responsibility to take care of themselves. it is very difficult to be the so called "healthy" one in this kind of relationship. and what happens when YOU need someone to take care of you? (just FYI - a few years into the marriage i was diagnosed with cancer. and it was really H**L, because i got zero help and support from my STBX).


here is my advice - from a BTDT point of view:


1 - break up with her, gently as possible but make sure she understands.


2 - get yourself some help to try and understand why