Could his problem ruin the relatioship?
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| Mon, 04-02-2007 - 4:08pm |
Hi,
I have been dating this guy for almost 5 months now, and everything has been great. Recently, he invited me to go on a Spring Break trip with him and his best friend. My best friend also accompanied me. The trip was perfect. We got along the whole time, no fighting, etc. On the last night alchohol got the best of me and I blurted out a big secret he had only told his mother and I: He has an eating disorder. Not only did our best friends hear, but it hurt him really bad. On the plane ride back he told me everything was okay after I had apologized. Not until we got back to our hometown, he started playing games with me. He would call and talk to me normally, but wouldn't ever want to hang out. Finally after getting upset, he told me he was really hurt and pissed and he felt betrayed by me. He told me he would need a big break 2 days after. So I wrote him a message saying how I was truely sorry, how I am a good person who he can trust, and that was just a mistake that would never happen again. I told him I would be there for him and he shouldn't want to end it over this. He ignored me the first day and told me he would write back the next day. He didn't. We instead fought over text messages. That Sunday, the next day, I texted him to tell him we need to talk in person. He responded that he was busy. So I finally got him to talk to me in person on Monday (a week after he initially told me he was really upset) He told me he would need to take it slow to get back to normal. Only then did he call me like normal and we would talk normal, but he still wouldn't hang out with me, or kiss me. Wednesday came around, and I finally asked him to hang out and got shut down again. So by Friday, and a ton of shut downs, i told him I had had enough and I wasn't happy and this wasn't right to treat someone like complete dirt for 3 months. He got mad and said it was all my fault and I did this. We ended it with us both saying we both will realize what each other did...
So that's where I need advice. I haven't heard from him since Friday and it is now Monday. We both felt we were good together, and I thought this wouldn't be the end. I feel like I am in the right that he shouldn't have taken it this long. What do you think? Did he just not care like he said he did? Did he lose interest after Spring Break? Is there really another girl? I don't know, I didn't want to lose him over this, but want to show him he can't treat me like this! Help!!

Welcome to the board mavsgrl31,
To be completely honest I am on his side in all of this. He trusted you with
glitter-graphics.com
Hi mavsgrl,
Healing from any betrayal and rebuilding trust can take a long time.
He shouldn't treat you like dirt, but it has only been 3 weeks and I think right now he just needs some time to figure out what he wants and to see if he thinks he can learn to trust you again.
glitter-graphics.com
This is the part that confused me about the time line:
::Only then did he call me like normal and we would talk normal, but he still wouldn't hang out with me, or kiss me. Wednesday came around, and I finally asked him to hang out and got shut down again. So by Friday, and a ton of shut downs, i told him I had had enough and I wasn't happy and this wasn't right to treat someone like complete dirt for 3 months.
I understand your boyfriend's need for space.
In the past, I've been so hurt by a friend's drunken gossiping that I haven't wanted to speak to them for a while. For a very long while. Sometimes a betrayal of trust is so bad that it negates all the good in the past. I simply needed that time without having to talk to them or see them so I could lick my wounds and decide whether or not I want to continue the friendship.
This is probably where your boyfriend is at. He isn't ready to spend any time with you and is probably still considering whether or not he wants to continue the relationship.
I know that staying apart won't help your relationship long term....but if he's not ready to look at you or talk to you, then being together won't help either.
I suggest you give him the space he needs. And because there's a reasonable chance that he may not come back to you, don't wait for him for too long.
I think you need to leave him alone until HE is ready to come back to you not when YOU think he should be ready. You violated his trust in the worst way and you seem to treating it like no big deal. You embarrassed the poor man and he needs some time to decide whether or not he can trust you again or not. How does he know that you won't do this again especially since alcohol was involved. If I were you I would stop drinking alcohol and take on this responsibility.
What you did was real bad and you need to let him figure it out.
Kiki