CROSSDRESSING

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2006
CROSSDRESSING
19
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 12:15pm
HI my wife and i

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: crossd53
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 12:43pm

Welcome to the board crossd53,


Have you tried marriage counseling?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2006
In reply to: crossd53
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 1:06pm
Thank you for your reply yes we trid marriage co but it dint work she just think of her self do you think there is anything wrong with ne wearing womens close Thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: crossd53
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 1:16pm

Welcome to the board crossd53,


::but it dint work she just think of her self


While you've been doing it for 20 years, doesn't mean she's always been happy with it. Sounds like an incompatibility issue and her feelings/needs are just as important as yours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: crossd53
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 1:38pm

What I think of your crossdressing doesn't matter, it is how your wife feels and how the two of you deal with it that matters.


Have you tried looking for a counseling that deals with crossdressing/gender identity issues?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2007
In reply to: crossd53
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 8:43am

One of the problems here is that she doesn't/can't/won't understand that you need to express this side of your personality. It's not a matter of choice. Not to do so is to risk serious depression. She may not grasp how very important this is to our well-being. And, if you do try to keep a lid on it, it will come out in different ways - such as frustration and anger - that will threaten your marriage.

If you can bridge that knowledge gap, use the same simple approach we apply to resolve any other areas of disagreement in our relationships. Talk with each other and negotiate a solution that both of you can live with. For example, if she can't abide the thought of seeing you dressed as a woman, find a support group where you can change at the meeting.

It's a complicated issue from the wife's viewpoint. How far will this go? Is he gay? Am I not attractive enough for him? What if he goes out and someone hurts him? I married a man - not a woman. So communication is key.

Incidentally, the feminine traits you're trying to express may be part of what attracted her to you in the first place.

A marriage of 35 years is a rare and wonderful thing. You two must have something good going on between you, and I'm confident that you'll find a way to get past this problem.

Now...go talk with her.




Edited 2/19/2008 9:03 am ET by kayinorlando
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: crossd53
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 10:05am

I like kayinorlando's advice to you. I also want to say before anything else that I don't think either of you are right or wrong. Just want to get that out there.

I know that you think she is selfish. But... have you tried looking at this from her perspective? She's attracted to men, not women, and you displaying an extremely feminine trait - the desire to look like a woman - is a huge turnoff to her. I think that's about as selfish as you saying that you "need" to have crossdressing in your life. You both just want different things, and are not incompatible in this area. It's not really an issue of who is wrong or who is more selfish than the other. You're both refusing to budge on this issue so it's clear that you'll have to work around it. You're not going to get her to love this side of your life, or be able to incorporate her into it. And it will be difficult to get her to accept it, but it's possible, and as it's been said a 35 year marriage is a rare and great thing nowadays.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: crossd53
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 1:45pm

Welcome to the board kayinorlando,


Thanks so much for participating and adding your advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: crossd53
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 1:49pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
In reply to: crossd53
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 4:47pm

Is there something that has occured more recently, regarding this?


Perhaps you are cross dressing more often, or something was said to ignite the frustration between you two?


You have mentioned you both have argued about this over the course of 20 years, could it be that your wife has gotten to a point that she can no longer tolerate your actions.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2008
In reply to: crossd53
Sun, 02-24-2008 - 5:56pm

I was married for 20 years and I didn't let my wife know about my crossdressing for the first 3 years, it was not good when I did let her know because she was not happy about it, even though I told her I wanted to be the one who did the housecleaning and domestic chores, she wanted a Man not a sissy. we stayed together for 20 years but I had to hide my dressing and we eventually grew in different directions. We divorced as friends and I started seeing an old girlfriend who was also divorced, I came out to her right away because I didn't want to make the same mistake again. she has accepted me as her sissy and we are very happy. I don't know what your desires are other than crossdressing but mine turned into a desire to serve as the housemaid and has worked out for us. I hope you can work things out with your wife as I'm sure you and her love each other and it is a shame to lose something so special.


sissyjillie

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