crushed
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crushed
| Thu, 05-31-2007 - 7:30pm |
My boyfriend of two years cheated on me with a girl he works with about 4 months ago and he did this for about 5 months. I thought things we could work it out. We moved in together a couple months ago, but now it’s an absolute nightmare for me. He still wants to be friends with her!! And says he can’t stop because they work together. He acknowledges that she probably still has feelings for him but swears he doesn’t for her, he just cares for her as a friend. She calls around 2 in the morning occasionally, checks up on him when we go out of town on trips via text messages. They go out to lunch a couple times a week ect. I always try to remain calm and talk to him about how much it bothers me but it always just ends up being a huge fight. He has now stopped telling me anything about his friendship. He keeps his phone out of sight, locked and on silent, I suspect, whenever he’s around me. I did snoop through his phone a couple times so I understand why he locks it now. He doesn’t think I have any right to tell him who he can’t be friends with. He understands why the occasional 2 in morning phone call upsets me but he says it doesn't happen often and he has no control over when she calls him. As far as the checking up on him when he's out of town? He says thats just her being a friend....I’m fine with him having “friend girls” but he CHEATED on me with her several times and always told me they were just friends when he was doing this!! Am I being unreasonable asking him to cut her off completely outside of work? I know they’ll still see eachother at work and talk at work but I don’t want any sort of “friendship” between the two of them anymore! Or is this not possible considering they work together in a small office? What should I do?

His actions indicate no remorse for his cheating. If he was serious about making amends, he'd be bending over backwards to make things right with you.
Just reassure you that you're not too demanding or crazy......He should not only stop his friendship with her, he should looking for a new job so as to cut her out of his life.
Oh my God. You are not serious are you?? He is still cheating on you with this woman, or this is a bit of a break they are taking whilst still remaining in contact and planning to resume the affair shortly. Why in God's name are you tolerating this? Twice weekly lunches with her? 2 am phone calls? His phone locked and on silent? Her texting him 'checking up' on him regularly?? WHAT?? And he is trying to get you to accept all this and sit quietly saying nothing?? The mind boggles...
How old are you? I am assuming from the post that you cannot be over 25? You are asking what you should do. Drop his sorry ar*e, ASAP. There are dozens and dozens of blokes who will want YOU as their partners, and won't be having 'close friendships' with females they've cheated on you with.
Not really sure why you are still hanging around with this dude. He cheated on you and thinks it's okay to be friends and go to lunch with the girl he cheated on you with?? Huh?? Break-ups suck, but that's just what I'd do with this guy. Being alone is better than this grief.
Best wishes.
Coolas
No, you are not at all unreasonable here. Since they did have sex, it is not appropriate for him to have any further contact with her at all if he wants to be in a relationship with you. Your request is healthy and shows self respect. It's not a matter of telling him who he can be friends with.
It's disturbing that he does not respect your wishes in a matter so basic as this. He is not considering your feelings, but you must. Let him know that this is not a situation you can or want to live with. He has to choose. If someone wants to be in a relationship with you, they cannot continue to see another woman with whom they've had sex. It's just that simple. If he agrees to it, fine. If not, you're better off without him. Why would you want to remain in a situation that causes you to feel upset and insecure.
Best wishes,
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