Currently seperated

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
Currently seperated
2
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 11:38am

Here is my story.. We have been married since 5/2006. I recently (two Weeks) found out that my wife has been having an affair with a person that she met at a bar and they have moved in together in a separate town. Our marriage was based on a very strong friendship and than we got married. things were good at the start( she has 4 kids that she has partial custody through one marriage and one non marital relationship that lasted 7 years. This is my first marriage and I made the commitment for life..so I thought. The kids are good kids but really confused. She started going out two times a week to the bar early in our relationship. She met a guy that is 12 years her junior she is 40 and he is 28. they both come from a screwed up family life. I just found out she has been cheating on me with this guy since December(Physical)she has known him since June this year and they have been friends. She wants a separation so she can figure out what she wants. I agreed to give it 2 months and we have 1 month and one week left. I was speaking with her yesterday and she is still waffling about what she wants. She always says I want what is right for you and I love you enough to give you your life back. Yeah right. the Problem I am having is during this time she is still living with this guy and sharing a bed, while she is still legally married. I do think that if we would get back together with her that we could work it out through counseling etc. She has agreed that if we were to get back together she would do the counseling as well. I am just so torn because of the cheating and the lies that went on. This will be a relatively easy divorce if it does come to it, as we have agreed to split the debt 50/50. About 60k unsecured. I would like any advice from others on this topic. Do I just get out now and start the divorce process? Do I wait on her terms? what do I need to do about splitting the debt.

Sorry about the rambling but I think you may understand where my mind is right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 12:24pm

"right for you and I love you enough to give you your life back. Yeah right. the Problem I am having is during this time she is still living with this guy and sharing a bed"

Then she's not thinking about what she wants. She wants to share a bed with this guy and not be in a marriage with you anymore.

"She always says I want what is right for you and I love you enough to give you your life back. "
Take her word for it. It's her way of saying that she'd rather be out of this relationship.

"This will be a relatively easy divorce if it does come to it"
Then it's for the best. I'm sorry but if she's still with this other guy she has no intention of making your marriage work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 8:29pm

Welcome to the board td2713,


::She always says I want what is right for you and I love you enough to give you your life back.


She's offering to leave you alone for good.