Cyber/Phone Sex
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Cyber/Phone Sex
| Sun, 05-02-2004 - 6:14pm |
Okay here's the deal. I have caught my hubby on a number of occations having cyber sex and phone sex! I got really upset when I saw him watching other women on their webcams. It wasn't just that though, he was watching them do their thing, they were watching him do his thing, and he was talking to one or two of them on the phone. I hit the roof. Did I overreact? He swears it has nothing to do with me, with our sex life. He says that he "loves having sex" with me, but then i catch him doing this. It's all the time too, doesn't matter if i'm home or not. I can be downstairs cooking supper, in the shower, sleeping, whatever...as long as i'm not in the computer room he's doing this. I've had enough of it. I've asked him, begged him not to do this so much, but he doesn't see the problem. He doesn't understand why it hurts me since he's not "physically cheating." I've told him that i feel like he's cheating on me but he just says that doing this is like looking at magazines. I don't feel that way. What do you think? Am i wrong or is he?

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I've been there. My ex used to freak if anyone looked at ME, saying I probably liked it, invited it, whatever. I couldn't even go visit my mother and I ended up losing quite a few friends since I was never allowed to see them. If I did ANYthing without him, I was cheating on him. I used to tell myself that I got so angry with him (and him with me) because I loved him so much. WRONG!! I got so angry with him because he was treating me worse than dirt!!! This guy is walking ALL over you. He does what he wants, when he wants, where he wants, and with whom he wants, and you're not allowed to bowl with your girlfriend.
I say if you've threatened to leave if he doesn't change, and he hasnt' changed, then do what you said you'd do. Leave. You deserve WAAAAY better than this. And you deserve to see a therapist and get yourself into shape. Figure out why you feel so badly about yourself that you feel you need to tolerate this kind of treatment. You are being unfair to yourself.
You are not wrong. You have every right to feel the way you do. His behavior is way over the edge - actually watching women behave sexually and talking to them is a step beyond porn. Most people would feel that this was unacceptable behavior in a marriage. In addition it sounds as though your husband is severely addicted to this - He is in the grip of an addiction and also has no awareness of the effect of his behavior or how inappropriate it is. You've got to get him to wake up. First step is to realize it's not okay, that he has an addiction, that it certainly can ruin his marriage, and that if he doesn't take steps to deal with this (professionally), he is jeopordizing his life with you. Beyond that, he should realize that any behavior that hurts his spouse is unacceptable. Period. Just out of concern and respect for you, he must take this matter in hand.
There are organizations which deal with sexual addiction, as well as counsellors who are expert in it. Get information about this, and get support and direction for yourself as well. Both of you need help in handling this problem.
Take good care, and best wishes.
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.
Carrie
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