Cybersex
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Cybersex
| Mon, 07-30-2007 - 12:31pm |
I recently discovered that my husband is having internet sex with another man. In one of their most recent sessions he (my husband) told this other man that he was very attracted to him. I am aware that my husband has had bisexual tendencies in the past, he even admitted to me he had a brief relationship with another man before we met. He said that he was just experimenting and didn't find it real satisfying.
We have had numerous discussions about cybersex. I feel it's cheating, he says there's nothing to it, it's just a game.
I told him that using the webcam behind my back to "show off his wares" makes me very uncomfortable. He agreed not to do it. I caught him red-handed & pants down on more than one occasion after he agreed not to, so I don't trust him. Is he turning on the webcam with this affair - no, the conversations I read don't elude to that. The other man is turning on his webcam so my husband can view. Maybe he thinks he's found a loop hole to his agreement.
I have a 16 year old daughter & a 7 year old son. I told him I didn't want him to be looking at any porn sites when the children are at home, even if he shuts the door. My daughter is smart enough to know he's doing something if the door is shut. He agreed to that stipulation. The last encounter that took place between him and this other man took place while my daughter was home. He told the other man that the daughter was home so if he (my husband) disappears from the computer, she was probably in close proximity and he would have to shut down.
Do I think he would meet the other man in person? Probably not, as he is from Florida and we live in New York State. He is a young grad student. My husband is 41 years old.
Would I feel any differently if it were another woman? I doubt it. He's simply violating our agreement and giving me more reasons not to gain any trust back in him.
The method in which I discovered this affair was not ethical (I was checking up on his internet activity when he wasn't home). Now I can't seem to get this ongoing affair out of my mind. I can't confront him with it as my means of finding it out are no better than him participating, yet it's killing me to know. I have thought of lying to explain my discovery as accidental but I work a very diligent 12-step program that demands rigorous honesty. (He also works the same 12-step program, but self-admittedly, not as hard as I do.
What do I do?
Tamster
We have had numerous discussions about cybersex. I feel it's cheating, he says there's nothing to it, it's just a game.
I told him that using the webcam behind my back to "show off his wares" makes me very uncomfortable. He agreed not to do it. I caught him red-handed & pants down on more than one occasion after he agreed not to, so I don't trust him. Is he turning on the webcam with this affair - no, the conversations I read don't elude to that. The other man is turning on his webcam so my husband can view. Maybe he thinks he's found a loop hole to his agreement.
I have a 16 year old daughter & a 7 year old son. I told him I didn't want him to be looking at any porn sites when the children are at home, even if he shuts the door. My daughter is smart enough to know he's doing something if the door is shut. He agreed to that stipulation. The last encounter that took place between him and this other man took place while my daughter was home. He told the other man that the daughter was home so if he (my husband) disappears from the computer, she was probably in close proximity and he would have to shut down.
Do I think he would meet the other man in person? Probably not, as he is from Florida and we live in New York State. He is a young grad student. My husband is 41 years old.
Would I feel any differently if it were another woman? I doubt it. He's simply violating our agreement and giving me more reasons not to gain any trust back in him.
The method in which I discovered this affair was not ethical (I was checking up on his internet activity when he wasn't home). Now I can't seem to get this ongoing affair out of my mind. I can't confront him with it as my means of finding it out are no better than him participating, yet it's killing me to know. I have thought of lying to explain my discovery as accidental but I work a very diligent 12-step program that demands rigorous honesty. (He also works the same 12-step program, but self-admittedly, not as hard as I do.
What do I do?
Tamster

Welcome to the board tamster62,
Would he be ok if you were only playing this 'game' with another man or woman?