dad cheated

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
dad cheated
2
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 1:32am
When i was in 8th grade I found out that my dad had cheated on my mom. Because of certain circumstances, it became very public and I had to learn all the details in the newspaper as well as on TV. After finding out about that one time, I read something of my moms that told about numerous other affairs my father had. I was never able to let my parents know that I had learned so much. I am now 19 and in a relationship. I have recently been noticing that I have a very hard time with my boyfriend having female friends. It makes me very uncomfortable and extremely upset when he is with them. I am wondering if this could be because of what happened in my past or if my past experiences would cause my to have trust issues in my own relationships. I have never been able to talk about this and figured this would be the best way to do it. Thanks for anyones help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
In reply to: bmk1234
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 8:27am
I would think it very likely that your dad's infedelity has resulted in trust problems of your own. But in my opinion the best chance you have of resolving this successfully is if you get some counseling to help you deal with these feelings - I'm sure there's also reading material that might help, but I'm not familiar with any particular book - perhaps somebody else would have some suggestions.

Best of luck - you sound like a very mature 19 year old and the fact that you are recognizing your reactions and have made the association between your feelings and your father's infedility is a very positive thing indeed.

Best of luck.

Coolas

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to: bmk1234
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 10:09am
Sure thing what you learnt about your dad would affect you but sometimes we also look for damage when there is none. if you try and picture yourself unscorched from your pop's mistakes then maybe you wont feel the pressure on you to feel hurt by the past so much. I would say take the pressure of of yourself. Forgive your dad and recognise your feelings for what they are. After all most women would have slight to moderate difficulty in issues of boyfriend with other women.

It does help to rate your feelings of jealousy on a scale of one to ten. Any higher than eight and persistent, I would seek counselling. Also you dont say what happened to your folk's marriage. How were you hurt by it. Did you talk to either or both of them. It may be an idea to talk to your folks to put this issue of your past hurt if any behind you. Most children are resilient and it may well be you are far more capable of understanding your pop's mistakes tahn you think u are.

~Ustanni

Ustanni