Dating after Death of Spouse
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Dating after Death of Spouse
| Sun, 08-12-2007 - 1:29am |
When I met this guy whom I started dating things seemed to be moving quickly and it seemed like we jumped into a relationship where within that month I met most of his family. Which to me was surprising. I knew right away he was a widower, but he told me it happened a long time ago, so I left it alone. Figured, he didn't want to talk about and I wasn't going to pry into his personal life. We had lots of fun and enjoyed each others company, and so he claimed. I found out just recently that he lost his wife just a couple months ago, and I freaked! How can he start dating so soon and introduce me to his family, etc. I thought that's impossible to do considering he still is grieving, how can he start to care for another???? I decided to end the relationship being sure that I was just a rebound for him, or just someone who helps him stay busy so he doesn't think too much about his grief, but either way, I knew this relationship would end. I thought about later and decided maybe I was to rash??? Can anyone tell me how soon is too soon?? I regret ending this as I really enjoyed his company, and wanted it to continue, but I got scared....I decided to call and try to fix things but now he won't call me back....Any advice?? Opinions???

Some people are ready sooner than others to start dating, a couple of months isn't unheard of. Especially if the death of his spouse was imminent for a long time due to illness, he probably spent a lot of the last of her life in the grieving process already. Also, dating after the death of a spouse does not indicate readiness for another serious marriage-bound relationship.
I'm sorry but if he isn't calling you back there isn't much else you can do. If he was actively grieving her death in your presence and his inability to get over her was causing problems for you two then I'd say breaking up with him was justified, but you don't indicate that in your post.
I think before you made the decision to end the relationship you should have asked him about all of what made you feel insecure about his recently being widowered. He deserved that much.
Thom
You've been given good advice so far...and I agree with what's been written.
I would like to add some other thoughts into the mix. You've made two assumptions here which I'd like to address.
Firstly, you place significance in meeting his family....huge assumption! Meeting a boyfriend's family means nothing. I'm close to my family and they've met just about everyone I've ever dated. Likewise, my husband's family have met everyone he's dated. Meeting my folks does not mean that I have any particular intentions for a serious relationship.
Second, you assume that he's still grieving. How do you know that he loved or even misses his wife? I have a friend who's husband died...but it was a bad marriage and his death signalled a new beginning for her. She stayed with him and nursed him, but she was secretly glad when it was all over.
All that being said, if he won't call you back, then it would appear that you've scared him off.