Dating an arab?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Dating an arab?
26
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 7:05am
Im in a state of confusion here. I have been dating this man from the Middle East for the past 8 week or so and Ive seen him very regularly and the relationship is going along just fine...all appears to be normal.. but then I stayed over last Friday nite and that was fine...then on Saturday morning while he was in the shower I opened a drawer to get something ...tissue or whatever and I find this " Immigration" card"...... but on it was his nationality.... Iraqi and his date of birth 31/12/1977....neither of which these things he has told me the truth. Presuming that these were his documents - which I AM sure of about 90%) he is 26 -in December - and from Iraq, explaining the "Baghdad" phone numbers in his mobile phone. He has maintained that he is from Beruit, Lebanon and went to college there, and that his birthday is 22nd December and he is 30 years of age. I shouldn't have to be questioning myself on these fundamental things, but I am and its really bothering me. Im wondering should I just forget about him.

Am I going to get myself embroiled in something I can't get out? I don't doubt for a second of his feelings for me, he does like me or even perhaps love me as he shows and says on a daily basis. when I am with him things are fine and he's attentive and treats me well and makes sure Im ok and all the rest of it. He discusses his worries about his exams and work with me and he's quite normal on all fronts.....but its the nationality/age issue. What is he hiding? Why is he hiding it?

I don't know what to do or what to think or how to approach this issue. I can't really ask him because he's told me on more than one occassion that he is from Lebanon and that he is 30 and that his birthday is 22 December....

He appears to be a genuine person, maybe he's protecting himself because he doesn't know me very well... but I just don't know what to do. I do like him a lot, moving towards the "love" stage of things, and we are good together.... but I need to trust him 100%, and these little things don't help that....

Any thoughts/ advice? Anyone in a similar situation?

AGHHHH!!

Xeeena

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
In reply to: xeeena
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 10:03am
We live in dangerous times now. I think you should call the FBI and tell them. Maybe that is one of his identities. This makes me pretty nervous.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
In reply to: xeeena
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 10:14am
That crossed my mind...although he checks out on a professional front, he checks out security wise (I do have some experience of this sorta stuff...) and I really hate to not give people the benefit of the doubt....but....
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
In reply to: xeeena
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 10:18am
ASK HIM! I am not sure if this would be correct in your situation, but he might be an illegal immigrant with someone else's info....I just don't understand why he would lie about his age. Anyways, just ask him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
In reply to: xeeena
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 10:21am

Wow, I guess this is dangerous times we live in when someone lieing a few years about his age and where he came from to a woman is reason to call the FBI.


Well, there could be a couple different explanations, but the only one that is going to matter is the one that you get when you ask him about this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
In reply to: xeeena
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 11:11am
Yes, the lies that he has told me are, if I were to look at it objectively, justifiable in his mind (although not in mine!) as a man from the mid east, he may feel inferior if the woman that he is dating is older than him, the age difference is four years in reality. He has made it so that the age difference is only by a year - with him being one year older than I. He is definitely of the mindset that the "man" is the "man" and the "woman" is the "woman" and that the man should provide the home, pay for everything, take care of his family etc etc., although he is quite liberated in that he encourages women to have good careers and a good job and be successful. As for hiding the fact that he's Iraqi, it could be explained by the political situation that exists over there at the moment. Maybe he grew up in Beruit and was just born in Iraq, hence the "Iraqi" label on his immigration card?

He's a specialist working in one of the large hospitals in the city in which we live and he's been open about that. He's not hiding anything about where he works, who his friends are, Ive even met his best friend and know where he works! He's even applied for a visa to attend a clinical medicine course in California.....so why would he do that if he had something to hide.... surely by applying for a visa in this day and age, everyone and their mother gets put through the microscope.

Perhaps its because he just doesn't know me and trusts nobody, therefore puts up a wall and all will be revealed in time.... ? (am I being stupid and refusing to take the blinkers off???!!!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
In reply to: xeeena
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 11:34am
You know, I hate to stero type anyone, but like others have said, given this day and age, I'd be extremely worried about this. I would be upset no matter where he was from and wonder what his problem was, but I'd be particularly worred about the fact that he's from Iraq and has lied about his age too. The only thing that makes me calm down a bit about this is that he didn't "hide" his identity very well (just in a drawer), and you'd think if he was really up to no good, he be much more careful with this info. But still, I'd ask him about it, definitly. And depending on his reaction (or maybe not), I call the FBI, just to be safe. Unfortunately, our world is no longer the same and no one should take these things lightly. Good luck and I hope everything is ok.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
In reply to: xeeena
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 12:26pm
The problem is that if he asks her and he really is an evil guy she might end up dead.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
In reply to: xeeena
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 12:31pm
Yeah, I thought about that too. How scary. To the OP, Mike's right. Better to be safe thatn sorry. Just report him to the FBI and let them do the investigating. This relationships is definitly not worth risking your life, and perhaps other's lives, over.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: xeeena
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 1:46pm

geez, I don't know how to begin to approach this... ok - here goes. I first start out by apologizing to any middle eastern people here - but, I consider myself to be middle estern as well - and I think that before you take one step further you need to understand (and i mean REALLY REALLY REALLY understand) that this man - may be the brightest, nicest, most modern etc man you ever met - but at heart he is MIDDLE EASTERN. which is fine, but it is VERY VERY different from you, and from what you are used to (trust me!!! i have been living on this side of the world most of my adult life and I STILL get culture shock every now and then). point being - things are DIFFERENT. that's number one.


two - I betcha he was born in iraq and either raised in lebanon or went to school there - hence he told you he was from lebanon (really, who in their right mind would say they are from IRAQ?)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
In reply to: xeeena
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 1:59pm

Wow, this paranoia about the fact that he is from Iraq is crazy.

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