Dating Guy Who's Best Friend is a Women

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Dating Guy Who's Best Friend is a Women
1
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 4:20pm
Dear Readers,

I'm hoping for some unbiased, outside input, so here it goes....

I just started dating a guy who's wonderful. On our first date he told me about a women who he goes rock climbing with. "We're just friends." No biggy. Friends of the opposite sex I can tolerate. Later he tells me that they have lunch together every week. They go rock climbing together every week. They go work out at the gym every week. And more recently he's told me that they've been best friends for two years now, and that they also travel together. Granted, he's been honest with me about this. During dinner I asked him, "So, why aren't you together with this gal who you go rock climbing with? Is it just that you're not attracted to her?" He responded with, "Oh no...that's not it at all. I just don't think that she's interested in me." She supposedly has a boyfriend in CA (we live in Oregon), so I then said, "Does her boyfriend know that you guys spend so much time together?" He said, "You know, I'm not sure whether he knows or not."

I later admitted that this bothered me. Let's face it. It's like she's his girlfriend, even though he says that he's not been intimate with her. So I explained how I was feeling. Suddenly his story changes a bit. "Trina, you're mistaken. Our friendship isn't like that. I'm not attracted to her in that way, and her boyfriend knows about me." Huh? Gee, doesn't that sound a bit different from what he said the first time? When he realized I was bothered by it, his story changed and he down played it, totally contradicting what he'd first said...when I think he was being more honest.

Is it just me, or does it seem a bit odd to expect me, an old fashioned person, to accept this? Again, having friends of the opposite sex, sure. But best friends that he does everything under the sun on a weekly basis with? And he acts like he'd want a very serious relationship with me if it worked out. Making it clear to me upfront that she's his quote "best friend" tells me (or any other intelligent individual) that I must be prepared to accept it. Right?

How would you feel if you were in my shoes? Any comments would be greatly appreciated! =)

Thanks.

T~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 4:37pm
I see where you are coming from and I think that you should be more than a little concerned. Have you had a chance to meet her? I think if you are going to persue a relationship with this guy, it is important to meet her and really pay attention to the way she talks about him and there "so called " platonic relationship. If he denies you meeting her and says you should trust him, then the are not just friends but something more.