Dating But Only at His Office

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Dating But Only at His Office
11
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 10:22am
I have been seeing this wonderful man for the past couple of months.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 11:07am

Something just doesn't add up. I don't know why he won't take you to his house. I understand why he's uncomfortable at yours, but that's no reason not to go to his. Also, the fact he doesn't want to take you out is concerning as well.

I'm sure there is a lot more to the story, but from what you've posted he sounds disrespectful of you, your home and your children.

I know you came here for advice and the only thing I can offer is to have a serious conversation with him. You need to know where he stands in this relationship before you invest too much of yourself only to find he has no intentions of going further.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 11:33am

I find it very hard to believe that a 45 year old woman could be so naive. I don't blame your son for his reaction to this stranger coming into your home and taking the liberties he did. If this post is not a joke, then you need to wake up and smell the coffee. Your children will not have any respect for you if you behave foolishly. It is dangerous to invite strange men to your home. It is not good parenting to behave the way you did with this man in front of your children, or to expose them to this man's outrageous behavior.


He won't take you out or invite you to his home because he is married, and you are just a booty call to him. Sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 11:56am
I assure you that this is no joke and yes maybe I am naive.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 12:07pm

I still think he was extremely rude and arrogant to walk into your house without knocking no matter who he thought was at home. It was only the second time you met, for heaven's sake!


As far as being in the political arena and having too much to lose to have an affair, do the names, Governor Spitzer and President Bill Clinton

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 12:24pm
I'm sorry for your loss. I, too, have had a recent loss in my life and we're all working at 'normalizing' our lives. I don't know you at all, but it would be natural to be vulnerable right now and needy. It's great to find someone to take care of your needs, but there are red flags all over the place. If you want to carry on a hidden affair, go right ahead. This man doesn't treat you or your family with any respect whatsoever. No wonder your kids hate him. I think that if their dad only died a year ago, they're going to upset about whomever you bring home, but how they caught you in the computer room...is that behavior you tolerate from them? Is that really the dating behavior you want to model? You have a unique opportunity to model appropriate dating behaviors.
The reason that he won't take you home or take you out is because he doesn't have to. If he's not introducing you around to his friends or wining and dining you or taking you home, have you considered that he may be living with someone or even married? You're the perfect sex partner in crime, no credit cards bills or unexplained cash expenditures to hide, etc.
Why are you doing all this? Why is this by his rules only? What would happen if you insisted on dinner in a restaurant, sex in his bed?
There are other men. Men who would be happy to show you off. Men who would be happy to make you dinner in their homes. Men who have experience dating moms with kids. Stringing out this liason is keeping you from being with one of those kind of men.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 12:38pm
You write about you kids as though they were nuisances- wow. If you were in a lousy marriage that's one thing, but to feel and talk that way about your children who surely are still struggling with grief. You're coming across as pretty cold hearted.
OK, so he's a political figure from a political family...I'm sure you've been paying attention to the Spitzer stories. If he's a public figure, why don't you know for sure if he's married?
None of this is an explanation for why he doesn't want to publicise his relationship with you. He still is disrespectful of you and your family, but especially you. Who cares if he was polite the second time he came around?! First impressions and all that.
Lust does not a relationship make. I get where you're coming from if you're angry about your marriage and are feeling entitled to having some fun, but you could have fun with someone who likes you and treats you right. You are settling for less. Go ahead, tell him no and see if he'll ever call you again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 1:07pm

Welcome to the board imnotaangel,


I'm going to write to you as if you were my sister, k?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Wed, 03-19-2008 - 1:27pm

Don't get me wrong I love my children with all my heart and would do anything for them

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 7:24am

What would his reaction be if you made plans at a restaurant for dinner? Would he give you a lame excuse why he couldn't show up? The man may be busy, but he can surely go out with the woman he apparently wants to be with forever out for a nice meal.

Make a date, see what happens.

Also, as well as you may think you know this man you don't 'really' know who he is until you go to his house. Is he clean, messy, etc. There is a lot to know about him before you can say you want to be with him forever.

Any way you look at the situation he is hiding something from you. Personally, I'd be wondering what the deal was at this point and ready to walk. How can you feel secure in a relationship when you're being 'hidden' from his life? He's showing you total disrespect. You've been told by many posters that he may be in a relationship. I know its hard to believe, but it does look like that. He will not be seen in public with you and will not take you to his house.

Out of curiosity, how does he introduce you to his office staff? Or do you meet him after hours when no one is around. Perhaps if you could tell us how he introduces you it may give more insight to the situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 7:52am
When I do go to his office

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