Day 5 of our "Great Stand-off"
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| Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:09am |
Boyfriend and I had a fight on Sunday afternoon. He said that I talk about the future too much and I'm too lovey-dovey and has found other ways to tell me that he does not care for some of my character traits. Yes, I realize that I am future-minded and he may not be. But after two years or so, you assume that it is OK to talk about anything to your great companion. Despite him getting very angry and critical, I also am not without fault. In the heat of battle (where I am normally very cool and grounded), I blurted out "maybe we just need some time to breathe. Maybe we don't appreciate each other anymore. Maybe if you don't like all these certain things about me, you are not in love with me anymore." With this comment, I headed to the bathroom as I recognized that things were escalating downward. When I came out he had his shoes on and said "Just remember you said it...not I." and left. That night I stewed (how dare he tell me about all my faults, while I have to sit there and take it)...but came to the conclusion that things are best left alone and that anger is a waste of time. I began to feel remorse for what I said ---- as I knew that he DID indeed love me, but like so many of us, don't always express it. So I called and offered a sincere apology and that asked if he wanted to say anything...He asked if I felt better for saying it and I replied "Yes." His reply was a swift: "Well, I'm glad you feel better. I have nothing further to say to you. Goodnight."
Since then we have had this great "Stand-off" where we have not called or interacted at all. Cool down periods are important, but after a few days, it's rediculous. So, I wanted to extend the olive branch once more and called. This time leaving a VM that said "Hi, know we haven't spoken in a while and needed time to cool off. Was just calling to check on you and see if we could talk."
Apparently not, because I received no phone call back. He has not retrieved his stuff from my aparment yet (which usually signals a break-up) and yet he has not called. Part of me is feeling very hurt and indignant right now. I didn't call to "thrash" out who was wrong/right, but simply to talk and work through things as a team. It appears there is only a team of one now and I'm exasperated. This non-communication is sooo frustrating. I don't know what to do and you can't MAKE someone talk to you. Suggestions?

He's saying that you're thinking too far in advance, and putting "him" too much in your future plans and goals. You rightfully assessed - maybe we need a break...in actuality meant "we don't want the same things, should we be together?"
And he said "I better get out now before I have to do the breaking up and be the bad guy and admit to her that I don't want to spend my life with her - just nights at my convenience."
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
::"Just remember you said it...not I." and left.
He thinks you broke up with him and he's letting it stand. He's not going to discuss it, rehash it, work it or reconcile.
Sorry for your pain. My best advice is don't contact him anymore. Let him come to you.
Carrie
Good luck!